A few people I know in the care leaver community have started a project called Care in the time of COVID. It’s a diary project, and one of the prompts is to write about your Saturday. I started writing, and then I deleted my entries because I felt like it was boring/sad. But then I decided to restore the entries because they are a reflection of the time (though they are very dry reading).

I have to declare that these entries are not part of the project, but they have been inspired by the project.

This is a follow up to COVID diary 1, COVID diary 2 and COVID diary 3.

Saturday 23 May

This week has been a blur. I woke up this morning and decided to buy something to celebrate getting through it; I bought some TOMS Paseo sneakers and Lumines. They should be arriving next month on the day before my next job interview (so, a good distraction from nervousness). I chatted with my partner all morning, and we did a crossword together. One of the clues bothered me for hours – I felt like I knew the word from a puzzle video game (and the memory nudged me to get Lumines). I eventually guessed the word after my partner mentioned guidance in a later conversation, so I had another letter to play with.

Last year I was getting ready to leave my university job. I laughed because in late May I wrote that it was my final day in Higher Education. A year later I’m months from reenrolling at University of Brighton and interviewing in the University for the Creative Arts. In fairness I did also write I am always reluctant to do goodbye posts, mainly because I often end up returning which is pretty accurate.

I told my partner that it has been a year since I left the higher education sector. And it feels so odd looking back because, at the time, I felt like I wanted a change. I am still working in academia, slightly, but there are lots of things I miss about university life. Some could say I made a mistake by leaving the higher education sector, but I think it’s just made me more aware of what I enjoy about working in academia. I thought I’d appreciate working part-time and freelancing more often. But in reality freelancing has been 30% searching for publications and 70% writing. Also, part-time feels too much like a holiday – I love it but I’ve felt myself get more lazy.

During this time I have learnt that work is not just my livelihood; it’s my social life and inspiration.

I had crumpets with peanut butter for lunch and then I visited my partner’s parents. We watched some birds in the garden and looked for pond life (really!). In the afternoon my partner helped me prepare for my upcoming interview by guessing some of the questions I may be asked. I spoke to my Dad afterwards; he sounded low – so I bought him some books on Hythe because he has memories of visiting there in the 1960s/1970s/1980s. The earth smelt great after a rain storm earlier in the day – I hoped we’d get another shower but it didn’t happen.

As I was brushing my teeth I felt an abscess in the back of my mouth near where my wisdom tooth was removed a decade ago. I accidentally poked it and it made me feel sick. I occasionally use interdental brushes, because some of the gaps in my teeth are so wide that floss doesn’t always help. At some point my wonky teeth overlapping pulled the bristles off the brush so I poked my gums with exposed wire. My partner bought me some mouthwash to use and wrote my name on the bottle so I wouldn’t avoid it. I have avoided thusfar. It’s so strong.

A few people I know in the care leaver community have started a project called Care in the time of COVID. It’s a diary project, and one of the prompts is to write about your Saturday. I started writing, and then I deleted my entries because I felt like it was boring/sad. But then I decided to restore the entries because they are a reflection of the time (though they are very dry reading).

I have to declare that these entries are not part of the project, but they have been inspired by the project.

This is a follow up to COVID diary 1 and COVID diary 2.

Saturday 16 May

Urgh. I woke up this morning dry retching. I felt really bad, but I know it’s just anxiety. Intrusive thoughts have been really bad for the past couple of days. My partner took me out for a walk to some allotments yesterday and he went back this morning to look for the person he needs to speak to regarding being put on the waiting list for allotments. That person was on holiday, so my partner went grocery shopping instead. He bought me my favourite cereal.

I saw a book review competition on my student union’s website. I have missed the deadline by two weeks, but I sent in a late submission because it only looks like they had one entry (I am assuming they only had one entry because they said they’d put the reviews up on social media for people to vote for, and to date only one appeared). I thought writing a book review would distract me for a few hours but I wrote it in ten minutes. But I then got an idea for the Jane Austen Literacy Foundation writing competition, based on an idea I had after watching Suicide Girls: The First Tour.

I watched a really cute documentary called Please Vote For Me. I was looking for some documentaries about student unions or student politics, and this is one that came up. I had been thinking about standing in the summer election, but I really am in two minds. Firstly, I always feel like I should step aside for more worthier voices. Secondly, I really want to change how the union is run and make a difference on campus. Thirdly, I think student unions haven’t always caught up with current student demographics – obviously they have done a lot of good work with underrepresented peoples but there is a lean towards bricks and mortar institutions. Being a student nowadays is just not all about that; there’s blended learning, there’s distance learning, there’s part-time learning, there’s learning on the job and don’t even get me started on the visibility of HE students in colleges. As a distance learner in my college I don’t always feel seen – in fact I am not even sure my student union see me as a member (because my data is stored on an alternative database to the one that feeds into their systems!!!).

I also ordered a book about Hornsey College of Art’s student occupation in 1968, it’s due to arrive next month so I’ll do a review then. I have been thinking about art schools a lot, and even considered enrolling on the Open College of the Arts‘ Creative Education short course. I wanted to do the PGCert Creative Education at the University for the Creative Arts last September but I didn’t come up with the funds on time. I have been thinking about art institutions a lot lately. I even made some zine pages today; I can’t remember the last time I made some. My new years resolution was to make a zine a week! I need to get a move on.

For lunch I had avocado on toast and fruit juice. Afterwards I had a shower and used some of my favourite shampoo. I dyed my hair blue earlier this year and the colour is still running; I had been using a colour preservation shampoo but I didn’t like it. I eventually ran out of it this week and decided to start using the shampoo my sister got me for my birthday. My hair is a bit fluffier than I like at the moment, but it smells good.

I spent a few hours of the afternoon looking at some work and tweaking my draft project (again! I swear I could make a second project from all my cut text). Then I went into my bedroom to sit by the window for a while; two of my neighbours were arguing about a yappy dog so I stepped back in case it looked like I was trying to get involved. The dog has been yapping for an average of two hours everyday. Sometimes it yaps when I am trying to work which is very off-putting. It’s also very stressful when I have a headache. But I don’t blame the poor dog – it sounds distressed. I miss my office when this happens. After dinner I had some of my partner’s leftover birthday cake. It gave me indigestion.

I went to sleep a few hours later.