Out and about

I’ve been to Canterbury this week. The first time I’ve been to a city on public transport since autumn. It was pretty stressful, especially after finding out my debit card had been skimmed and I am no longer going to be published in that journal I was expecting. I was unwell earlier this week but then I was notified I’d won something in #BSUOneMonthOneChange and I’m getting £39 from the Student Experience Fund. I also received another £10 in vouchers from another focus group I’d taken part in which I spent on stationery and seamless underwear.

I’m not going to be in University of Brighton again until October, and I don’t feel much like updating being I’m embarking on a new counselling course and doing psychogeographical stuff.

Photo from sketchbook

Photo from sketchbook, in which I say that I’m more often at spaces.oca.ac.uk/nina

TLDR

I wrote a couple of posts this month, but I didn’t feel ready to share. Lockdown easing has just shown me how bad my anxiety has got. During lockdown I guess I could kid myself that I was avoiding things due to safety. This month saw a hairdresser visit and walk to a market that ended in meltdown. I did make £40 in vouchers from focus groups though, I activated them online and asked for them to be posted. But I didn’t realise I had to activate them again so I took them to the supermarket and they got rejected. So then I got stressed out because I spent my actual money that I was budgeting on my normal grown-up sensible grocery shop with.

I felt really embarrassed, and unwell, and sad. But I randomly started watching Girls and saw the main character’s OCD – and it just helped me stop beating myself up for a short while.

Anyway, here’s a video of me reading part of an Orwell essay for Share A Story Month.

May

What a month!

  • I’m starting a Santander internship, with Stand Alone. I am so excited. I get to work with Liam McCabe and do policy-related stuff and student uniony stuff and it’s all brilliant and I feel so happy about it.
  • I am one hour away from completing the first draft of my university research proposal (I’ll do it tomorrow, my brain needs a break).
  • I sent an article to an academic journal and it got accepted – with revisions!
  • I am back with a counselling service – it has been tiring but worthwhile. My panic attacks have decreased by a quarter.
  • I’ll be returning to OCA next month to do Investigating Place with Psychogeography.
  • I’m getting a haircut next week (no big deal, but the first time I’ve shown interest in my appearance for months).
  • The redecorating was going well but then my partner became unwell and we had to take a break for three weeks. But the progress so far is making me happy:

  • I finally look the plunge and decided to stand for a society committee role. So, yeah, if you’re reading this as a University of Brighton student or staff member check out unibrightonac.sharepoint.com/sites/Group-MatureStudentsForum

Happy International Workers’ Day

She explains

I watched her speak.
No.
No.
No.
No.

He smiled. This would be over quickly. She just needed a tablet.

I watched her think.
No, I don’t wish I was dead. I wish I had never been born.
No, I won’t hurt myself. I’ll stop responding to human contact.
No, I have made no plans to end my life. But I plan to walk away and disappear.
No, I am not a danger to myself or others. I don’t exist.

He smiled. This is over.