No you’re crying because you miss your classmates and their end of year show is making you question your move away from arts

I really miss Brighton so much at the moment. I can’t even visit because it is too heart-wrenching.

Personal branding

Today TotallyKira blogged about personal brands. The idea of personal branding makes me cringe a little because it feels like the commodification of the self/identity; and just generally icky. I have been thinking about my online presence and I realise it’s such a difficult place for me because it’s where my work and personal life cross. It has also make me realise that half of my brain is in the past because I have such a drive to segment my life so I am not giving away my labour (eg. you like my words – you pay me for them) but the other half of my brain acknowledges the opportunities engaging content can create!

This internal tug-of-war is probably why writing stopped being fun for me. That, and I got a pretty good job that has a certain level of gravitas, and I’m not sure what my brand is anymore (well, my personal brand, anyway). When I undertake a project I think about purpose, resources and consequences. It feels hard to work on a personal brand when I feel tired and directionless. I don’t even know what I want to achieve nowadays.

I share my thoughts because I believe open discussion is important. But I am afraid of the repurcussions of sharing. Like, what if someone reads my words and see I struggle with my mental health, or adoptee experiences, or that my success grew from being a sex blogger? But then… I realise the fear of being found out is hypocritical. And also pointless – hello!? I’m successful because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone(s) and that gave me the opportunities which led me here.

And then I think about how everything I write is a huge contradiction. And I want to address that as it seems important (a side effect of imposter syndrome maybe? A prelude to burn-out?)

The cycle continues.