Realign

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.


The moment I realign with love, clear direction is presented to me.

I started off the year reluctant to talk too much about what’s getting me down. Because complaining feels counter-productive, and also I feel so low I don’t have the energy to share. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears, and without direction. I received a letter last month from the college I am applying to do a counselling course with – it was confusing – I had applied to do Level 3 but the acceptance letter was for Level 2. I emailed questioning it and got no response. This week I received another letter titled Counselling Level 2 course cancellation, but the body of the letter mentioned Level 3 being cancelled. The disorganisation made me thankful I decided not to study there.

A week later I received an email from a counselling training centre I interviewed for last spring; they charge twice the amount of the college I applied to (and quadruple the amount of the original college I studied at – yikes!) but I left the interview feeling like the centre just wasn’t for me at the time. At that time I wrote an essay, which was later published, about the sensory overload caused by the busy waiting area in the centre. But the email said that there are places left on the course, and the timing feels pretty good.

If successful, the course would fit nicely between the start of my second job and my potential return to Masters study. However, the salary from my second job would be put to much better use elsewhere.

There were too many options to think through! I got a headache.

And then I just sat next to my partner and talked through my feelings. I didn’t come to a resolution but I felt so much better after voicing my worries. I went to bed feeling just as confused, however I had a plan for the new year! Keep posted 🙂

10 Ways to Succeed as a Spiritual Entrepreneur!

A couple of years ago I mentioned the Business of Introverts as I was pondering #EduBlogsClub‘s alternative career prompt. I have been thinking about the Business of Introverts since, because I am feeling so burnt out. Admittedly the past few months have seen illness, success, publication, reflection and preparation for a potential new job, study course and home – so I have a lot of pulls.

But I feel like I am missing something.

I used the Miracles Now card deck last June. And, after finding the minicourse earlier this month useful, I decided to look at other card decks. Then I stumbled upon a guide called 10 Ways to Succeed as a Spiritual Entrepreneur! And it just really spoke to me.

I mean, look at the background image! Of course I’m going to click on it:

I have been contacted by some colleagues in my workplace LRC about my zines, and a colleague was thinking of doing a wellbeing zine next month. I have volunteered to facilitate a workshop. I can’t remember the last time I ran a workshop. My confidence was knocked during a teacher training course I did a year ago. I’m excited though, because I had been making zines with positive quotes on them to give out on St Valentine’s Day and I’m still buzzing from the online meditation club I set up for students in my college. Lately, I have felt like signs are pointing to creativity for wellbeing research.

Making cards

I made a couple of cards lately. I remembered a friends’ birthday next month and wanted to send one off. It’s weird thinking about how, when I was younger, a handmade card was something you did when you were too poor or couldn’t be bothered to buy a card. I remember making one for a relative when I was eleven and their face dropping as they asked aren’t you going to get me a special one? I was miffed. It still shocks me sometimes that the attitude towards handmade has changed so much.

Anyway, I’m happy with how this came together. It’s not the prettiest but it’s the collage style I like. A little bit random and a lot colourful.

Card made with leftover card scraps

Card made with leftover card scraps

Love & Sequins

I’ve been seeing lots of sum up the decade posts.

Love & Sequins by Gala Darling (found via galadarling.com/article/announcing-love-sequins-making-magic-happen)

It’s another name day today. I bought myself a deck from blackandthemoon.com, ordered a fit e, hugged my partner, made a chocolate matcha latte and the suddenly paused…

… I didn’t think I wanted to sum up the decade. But clearly my mind was thinking about the changes. There are some I still won’t go into, and some I feel like I’ve said a million times before. I’ll say them again though.

Moving to Brighton changed my life; personally, academically, politically, emotionally, mentally. I became a person I liked. At the start of the decade I was listening to and reading Gala Darling and trying to manifest goodness into my life. Clearly I was doing it. However, it took me a long time to realise I was doing it. My progress was at a snail’s pace. And I often stopped to cry for long periods of time. Because I still felt like I wasn’t quite the person I am supposed to be. I was really unhappy.


from fyeahsubversivekawaii.tumblr.com

I had a lot of good people in my life. I started the decade in a very dark place, and friends got me through it. Really. They opened up their hearts and homes to me. And I wish I could’ve done more to pay them back – although they would refuse it. The security and care they gave me created a base to work on myself.

I was an angry person. I probably still am in a way. And I might be angry for a while yet. I had decades of anger hidden away, and here are some of the reasons why. I was told by a medical professional this week that I am lucky. In this age of dialogue and knowledge, we are still ignoring voices:

#StopTheMop

So obviously, I was living in duel worlds. I couldn’t reconcile the child I was and the person I am. Plus, I had this idea about the person I wanted to be, or rather the person who had the lifestyle I coveted. There was a lot to unpack.


from fyeahsubversivekawaii.tumblr.com

Well, unpack I did. And I still do. I see a counsellor infrequently and finally decided to be committed to a long period of medication. I found my feet working in the alumni team and studying an art masters (which I touched on in my yearly roundup). But, you know, stuff happens and I moved to Kent.

Moving to Kent brought a lot of challenges. I felt like I had lost the Brighton identity I so dearly loved

Even though Folkestone is pretty awesome, I felt incredibly homesick. I stopped leaving the flat, I gave up socialising, I started dressing in darker plain colours all the time and I wanted to blend into the background everywhere I went. I wasn’t sure if this was depression or I was becoming the real me (a minimalist with a simple life).

I don’t have the bright bunny hair or holographic eyelids but my life feels like an adventure.