Freedom

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.


My fearless freedom lights up the world.

Yesterday I went to the bookmakers with my partner and his father. It was my partner’s father’s birthday. He dropped a penny and I picked it up. I said If I clean this penny do you want it back? He replied You can keep it for luck. I’ve decided to toss a coin for my life decisions for the rest of the year. Ha. I feel more relaxed though.

Red

It’s half way through the year, and eighteen months until a milestone birthday. I found out later this week that the Creative Education course I applied for earlier this week is not going ahead. The weekly wellbeing talks I take part in ended this morning and my college term ends this week.

I dyed my hair red. It’s the first time I’ve felt like myself in quite a while.

Matter

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.


I choose love no matter what.

My brain was just starting to wind down and then I found out I may not get my postgraduate loan. Not to worry, I thought, I’m standing for election and interviewing for a casual job in a couple of weeks. If successful I’ll be able to pay my fees with my extra wages.

I set up a weekly online meeting to talk with students, and hours later I receive a letter about adult learners returning to college. Namely I won’t be able to return this academic year – this is OK because I finished my course. But there is still no guidance on next year. I don’t know whether I can enrol and study remotely, or whether I won’t be able to enrol at all. If the latter I need to rethink my election position. I have been told the situation could change in the second or third term of the academic year. So I’ll be standing for election with the knowledge that I may not be studying in the year I am in office (if elected). Of course I am not the only student in this position but it just feels a bit weird.

I’ve been contacted regarding a casual job I applied for back in 2018! It has become available again and I’ve been invited to apply. My only gripe is that it’s three days a week and my current job is three days a week. I could stretch to working six days a week but it’ll tire me out. I’ve also got some unclaimed holiday I could use to ease the transition into the role. I’ve applied and asked if there is any flexibility. The role would be for three months, and cover the cost of my postgraduate fees.

I’ve booked some leave at the end of next month. I’ve got to the burnout stage of the year. I feel so indecisive and weepy.

Pedagogical poems

Partners in Learning
Inspired these reflections
I hope you enjoy

Isn’t it odd how
Much I write pedagogy
Not andragogy?

Maybe it’s because
Learning is linked with schooling
That I think like this

I must not forget
Education does not stop
Learning is lifelong

No one left behind?
Isn’t that what you promised
I am catching up

I’m an afterthought
A valuable figure
Absent from your view

I write these poems
Not because I’m complaining
Instead I waited

I couldn’t be a
Young prodigy because I
Was hurting myself

Now I am OK
And ready to celebrate
My validity

Unlearning

I wrote this piece for a zine I made just under two years ago. I didn’t want to share the zine until the students I worked with had left the college I wrote about. I also felt like my words reflect badly on me. But I had been taking part in weekly online chats with colleagues, and one of the things we talk about are goals. It has been a goal of mine for a long time to be an art teacher, but I wrote it off because my social anxiety is too severe and I doubt I’ll ever have the confidence. My colleagues were supportive of my goal and I didn’t have the heart to say that I had changed my goal to accommodate my mental health because that felt too negative for the conversation we were having at the time. I have been revisiting the idea of an EdD, as I’d really like to do research on writing for resilience.

Earlier this month Tom posted Consciousness in the Partners in Learning blog. Reading it brought back lots of memories of un/learning and made me think of creative education. At the moment I am feeling quite lost with my Masters as I haven’t been able to obtain a postgraduate loan for the remaining modules of my Masters (I am sure it’s some sort of technicality and I am currently challenging it) and I am unsure if the regular travelling to Brighton will be too much emotional upheaval (I hate early mornings, get nervous in crowds and start crying at the train station as I don’t want to leave Brighton at the end of the day!)

Art practice has been helping my mental health so much during this time. I am wondering if I should just immerse myself in it.

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Working on a piece about anticipatory grief.

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