Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Spirit Junkie deck and reflecting on it.

Today I consciously choose to think loving thoughts, take compassionate actions, and bring forth peaceful energy.

The day started with me using book vouchers to buy Red Rosa, then I had two meetings which I was not too nervous for (though in one I did volunteer to give a presentation at the end of the month).

Later on I found out about the passing of Yusuf McCormack. I’m at a loss for words at the moment, but I’ll just share a piece of his work that touched me:

Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Spirit Junkie deck and reflecting on it.

All I love is more important than all I fear.

A piece I wrote about my career journal will be published tomorrow.

source: blogs.canterbury.ac.uk/careers/careers-enterprise-online-award/

It will be published on the anniversary of Rosa Luxemburg’s death (I also found out about the Rosa Luxemburg Foundation, and they are recruiting for a project manager!). It feels like good timing.

Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Spirit Junkie deck and reflecting on it.

I breathe calm and easily. I am safe in this moment.

I had such a good positive day today. I spoke (online) to some friends, I received a comic in the post that I’m going to use for some zine pages – hopefully, I can get a very late submission in to FIVE BY FIVE.

Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Spirit Junkie deck and reflecting on it.

Instead of taking on the fear of others I reflect love.

I like the appearance of this card. I had a one-to-one in my workplace today. I always get so worked up about them; not sleeping the day before and experiencing the usual fight or flight symptoms. The feedback was good. It’s always good. I don’t know why I worry but I do.

Tomorrow I have a tutorial with Jo, and I’ve been think about how to read my portfolio. I don’t have a contents page or much categorisation because I want my portfolio to be a continuous document. But I also am aware that I’m submitting it for assessment, so it needs to have a starting point. Or some sort of way to navigate it. I am trying to think of ways to progress without order or a guide – because my practice is collage, as such, I’d like my portfolio to be read like a collage.

I love my art practice. I wish everything felt as good as making art.

Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Spirit Junkie deck and reflecting on it.

My greatest experience of freedom comes when I let go of what others think of me.

Wow, if this card doesn’t sum up my week I don’t know what does! I recently wrote to my favourite author. I’m kinda embarrassed because I was in a bit of a weird head space and just ended up oversharing. I felt such a need to connect.

I have been thinking about class a lot, I feel like a traitor because I’m in a good position at the moment. But it doesn’t feel like me. I am constantly in fear of being told I’m not good enough. But, at the same time, it’s hard to talk about these feelings. Most of my closest friends live precariously. I used to too. But now I have a good salary and a reasonable level of prestige – more than I thought was possible in my youth. It feels downright distasteful to talk about dissatisfaction. I am lucky I know it.

But these feelings are getting in the way of having an open honest conversation… and that is that I feel stupid all the time, I feel uncouth and I am intimidated by people around me. I know I am worthy of being in these spaces. I know I have a reasonable level of knowledge and skill.

These things and feelings aren’t important. But they are beating up my confidence, slowly. Which, again, is no big deal.

My concern is that my feelings are gradually wearing down my rationality.