I’ve had two incredibly vivid flashbacks today. Both were triggered by the sensation of touching tin and a slight toiletry smell. I was transported back to 2000 and a make-up case where I just kept metallic nail polishes and hair glitter. I remember the make-up case well because I didn’t normally wear make-up but I liked the case. I think it was a birthday present. It was a perfect metal cube with a handle. I liked it so much I took a photograph of it and developed it on watercolour paper. I liked the image of the cold, smooth case on the rough paper.

It all started because I am so broke I was searching through my things for some Euros to exchange so I can afford to go for tea with my friend tomorrow. I eventually found the Euros in the bottom of this tin. But the act of opening the tin sent a chain reaction of memories through my mind.

In my flashback I was sitting on my bed, looking at a hair mascara brush. I remember the smell but I cannot describe it very well. I remember liking how the metallic blue looked on the brush; the dark bristles poking out through the shiny colour. I also remember that time because it was a real crossroad in my life.

Lately I’ve been reflecting on that time a lot. Last year, when I was struggling on my course and finding it difficult to fit in it felt like my teenage years all over again. There was a conflict between how I felt (isolated, anxious…) and how I thought I should be feeling (the world opening up to me through the wonders of education).

This year, I am thriving and I feel supported. This is how I expected university to feel like. But I am still struggling with my mental health despite all the goodness in my life. I still feel nervous before I walk in to the museum, despite it being full of friends and colleagues.

Realistically I didn’t expect education to be a doorway to a magical new me… but I kinda hoped it would be. Just like I didn’t expect glitter in my hair to make me as cool as Alisha’s Attic. But I remember running the brush through my hair and hoping/waiting for the change to take place.

First rule of the Secret Lives of Art Students society is that nobody knows about Secret Lives of Art Students society…
https://twitter.com/ninabrighton/status/797447596184895488
I stumbled across the Secret Lives of Art Students quite by accident. I can’t find out anything about it. But I joined anyway. I’d like to think we’ll all meet up one day and make a documentary about our lives.

I’m outta spoons this week. I had a delayed response to last week. I felt a little bit overwhelmed during the middle of the week and referred myself back to counselling. It wasn’t until I was filling in the feedback form that I realised I wasn’t taking care of myself (or acknowledging my feelings). I had a few days off where I tried to sleep but I didn’t manage well until the third day.

I’m seeing my family in the westcountry next weekend and that thought is cheering me up. After buying my train ticket I’ll have no money for the rest of the month. It’s a glum thought but I found out I’m due a course fee rebate of £50 and my learning grant application is being reviewed in a couple of days so I hope that works out for me.

I’m looking forward to seeing my nephew. He is now six and a half months old. The last time I saw him he was so tiny. I bought him a babygrow last week with a gift voucher I had – it’s much too big for him right now but I can’t wait to see him in it (I used the rest of the credit on the voucher to buy myself Dorset Tea, Lovestruck socks and Tony Moly masks).

I also found out that Delve will be available to staff soon! So I’m looking forward to that.

I’ve applied for Student Union co-option. It might be too late for that, but I figure that the positions are still vacant so it’s worth a try. I’ve also asked for more information about the Erasmus exchange (because I’ve noticed Oslo have modules that could potentially fit in with my professional development route).

I’m moving forward. Slowly, but surely. Good night.

My blog is now back to normal. I made all my personal posts private because I was standing for election and, in my head, I thought the electorate might trawl through my social media to see if I am a suitable candidate. Of course, I don’t think I say anything inappropriate here but I worry how I sound as an anxious person. I didn’t really have anything to worry about because only 369 students voted! That’s 1.7% of the student population (according to brightonsu.com/elections/livestats/).

I don’t really have anything to say about my standing for election. I didn’t campaign because I thought that anyone engaged enough to vote would read manifestos and make a decision from that. I didn’t want to spend members’ money on campaigning for election because, well, it just feels exploitative. Late on Thursday before the voting period closed I thought about campaigning. I made a moonwalking bear (toyhacking!!!) but only showed it to my colleagues and Sarah made a silly video of me.

https://twitter.com/ninabrighton/status/794489433898807296

I feel a bit bad standing for election and having nothing to say about it. It seems like it should be a big deal and I should have a thousand words about my thoughts and experiences. But, no, I just have a moonwalking bear video.

One person did read my manifesto and send me a question. That person was the BME Officer and Campus Action Team member Niczar Amade. I’m looking forward to seeing what Niczar brings to the Student Union. From corresponding with him, he seems to be a very engaged and inquisitive person (which is what I like to see from an elected officer!)

Workshop
I facilitated a collage-making workshop on Tuesday. It was nerve-wracking and I wanted to give up in the first ten minutes. But I got into the swing of it; most people seemed to enjoy it and we ended the session with some great work. I haven’t had chance to sit down and reflect because I have been busy but I really feel confident in myself since returning to university. I think the main reason I have become more confident is because MAIAP is a safe space to make mistakes, and a place where I have reframed my ideas of my own failures.

https://twitter.com/ninabrighton/status/793233843587207168

https://twitter.com/ninabrighton/status/793154914822291456

Caucus
The past two weeks have seen me working on evenings and Saturday. But I got the opportunity to catch up with some friends on Sunday evening at UNISON Disabled Members’ Conference disco. It was great to let off some steam and chat the evening away. It may not seem like a note-worthy moment, but I like to keep hold of memories like these because they get me through darker times.

Telethon
I have been co-supervising the telethon. It has been interesting, challenging and rewarding. The callers are a lovely and I look forward to working with them again. I don’t think I ever got my head around the database and the importing pledges/donations. It was a steep learning curve but I left after the final shift today with admiration for every one of them.