Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

My vibes speak louder than my words

I met my goal and I’m waiting for my socks. My holiday has been a time for reflection; last month I started making decisions based on a coin toss. And I felt resolved… until this week. During my time off I’ve been cycling on an exercise bike and just thinking about my goals without work/family bobbing away in the background. I cleared my head.

It’s weird that I pulled this card today because I have been saying to my partner lately I feel more like me. And I have, in the past, been known for my good vibes. I even bought some Manic Panic hair dye which I haven’t used since I lived in Brighton! Honestly just seeing the tub of dye gave me all the nostalgia feels! I remembered my first visit to Cyberdog Brighton and felt excited about returning to my favourite city next term.

When I didn’t get the postgraduate loan I wondered if I could afford to study. I felt like maybe it’s time to give up and study elsewhere. But then as I cycled I remembered all the support I received from University of Brighton in previous years, and how every department I met tried to accommodate me. Then I figured Why not contact them and tell them about my finance situation? So I did.

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

I witness the darkness and call on the light with my prayer:
Thank you, universe, for guiding me to perceive this fear through the eyes of the teacher of love.

I cycled for four miles as I listened to a Get More Gabby meditation. I felt great afterwards so I decided to cycle a few more miles. I ended up cycling for twenty miles altogether (with breaks every five miles so I could lay down and drink water). That’s my personal best. OK – most people won’t think it’s that impressive but it’s a big deal for me.

Get More Gabby August Meditation by Gabby Bernstein (found via gabbybernstein.com/thanks-for-signing-up-how-to-choose-happiness/)

My holiday has reenergised me no end. I know burnout. I’ve had burnout. But I always always seem to underestimate it. When it comes around I just think I’ll deal with it and it always knocks me for six. Burnout feels embarrassing; it feels like admitting I’m weak.

I’ve had a lot to think about in my holiday. I pinned my hopes on getting a second job or selling some writing so I could afford to pay for my Masters in September. It just may not happen. And I have to deal with that. I feel restless because in my free time I think to myself You should be applying for jobs or You should be writing. I’m not doing either. I’m listening to meditations and avoiding the internet.

I promised myself a hamper of odd socks if I cycle one hundred miles this week. I look forward to sharing my happy feet in my next update.

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

When I think I’ve surrendered, I surrender more.

My holiday started* last Friday! Woo.

* OK. That’s a lie; I was ill so I’ll be making up the time on Monday… but the point is I have ten days to switch off my brain.