Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

When I’m in alignment with the love of the universe, peace cannot be disrupted.

I’m looking forward to next month, I don’t know why. The news is just as bleak. But I feel like this month has lasted forever, I mean it started in a pretty bad place. And then got worse.

I have spent a full month with my partner, we have only been out of eachother’s company for five hours at the most. I’m glad I haven’t been alone during this time as I think I would have seriously harmed myself. I know I have been difficult to be around, because I have felt trapped in my situation – and boredom is one of my triggers. I think the most difficult things is that I feel like I have no respite.

I phoned up my doctor and got some more medication because intrusive thoughts were taking up four hours of everyday, which I know doesn’t sound like much but normally they patter away in the background with occasional noise breaking through and upsetting me. I feel like I’m in an emotional mosh pit!!!

I was trying to explain to my partner how I am feeling, I said I feel like a pea in my body – with my skin and organs thickening to the point where they are crushing my sense of self.

I feel out of my depth in Kent, I know I said it before but it still feels the same.

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

I am the loving energy of the universe.

In retrospect, my Sunday affirmation posts have been a good idea. Looking back at my blog I have seen a year of anxiety (then I gave up trawling as it was a bit of a downer). And my way to cope with anxiety is to make plans for the future, which is difficult to do at the moment. In fact, a lot of things are difficult at the moment – and that’s hard to talk about because everyone’s having a tough time. In comparison I’m lucky, I’m not too vulnerable and I am secure so I don’t have a reason to complain.

My good news is that I am returning to Brighton next year to study! I might be returning in autumn depending on which optional module I take. This is my only long-term plan at the moment. I am excited, but I have to keep myself in check.