It’s currently Chooseday Chill time at my workplace. So I thought I’d use this time to do some blogging as my CCSU colleagues buzz around me.

My blog has been a bit quiet, well I’ve been busy. This morning I was helping out a colleague with an event so I put my work Happy to Help t-shirt on. I clocked out approximately twenty minutes ago (though I am still naughtily checking emails) and switched my brain off. Jamie asked me if I was working now and I couldn’t think of the words so I blurted out I’m not here while waving my arms like I was dancing the twist. So that should give you an idea of my mind state.

I thought I’d do a catch-up post. I am enjoying being a counselling student (though I should use the term helper because I’m at level 2). I haven’t got involved with my student union yet but my manifesto is online in case I ever find out where/when monthly student meetings take place and how to get involved.

I have had two pieces of writing published within the same fortnight. The latest piece was written a month and a half ago so it has made me hopeful that other things I have written are just in a queue somewhere waiting for the right moment to go live. It’s a pretty exciting point in my writing life now because I have now lost track of things I have written so whenever I see/hear my articles it’s almost like a surprise! And, my latest article was edited so little I cannot see any changes. I always remember Sam Davies who was my department director when I worked in the Alumni team (and one of my biggest sources of support and inspiration) telling me about the first time her work was handed back to her without corrections, suggestions or edit. Now I can see what she means. It is such a significant moment – the moment when you think yes, I get it.

Part of my counselling course involves a reflective journal. And, I’m struggling with it! As someone who is a reflective writing advocate and practitioner, this seems absurd. But I guess it is just a symptom of work pressures. I am enjoying my course but the only time I feel engaged with it is during my classroom activities and the few hours I spend on my homework the day before (I don’t normally like doing homework the day before but that is just where my day off falls). I’m confident that by this time next week my weeks will be back to normal and I’ll be fully alert.

Tomorrow I am enrolling and starting a counselling course in Canterbury College and I am super-excited. The course will be something I can utilise in my MRes application. I even went out to get a haircut today so I wouldn’t look too much like a clown on my student ID card.

I am a little bit nervous about the weekend. I am helping out with a registration day and I feel underprepared. I’m going into work tomorrow to follow up on some tasks that have been giving me nightmares. And I’ll pack some bags because I am very conscious that I have left this activity undone for too long.

One of my articles, that I thought had been binned, was published yesterday. Sometimes it really does feel like the universe has my back. It was edited more than usual – which might be the cause of the delay. It happened at the best time for me.

I’m also pretty stoked with a charity shop find I made today; a Donkey Kong Game & Watch. It’s pretty exciting because it was released five months after my birth. And I discovered M&Ms crispy chocolate spread. Yes. Awesome.

A lot has changed in a year. I remember this photo from last September. I am in a very different place this year, I’m two stone heavier for a start – so I feel like I look like another person. I gave away my clear spectacles, my hair is now bleached and damaged. I have no positivity about the new academic year. The things I liked about me seem a universe away.

I had a bit of a meltdown last week. It was a culmination of the work I’ve been doing and the too many cooks experience in my tasks. I eventually let go of the built-up frustration, but it took a long time to get there. And my lymph nodes feel sore again like they did the last time I was struggling with things.

My MRes is at a standstill; I’m not sure I’ll get the money together in time for February. And I’ll be moving in a few months. I’m tired. I don’t want to move again. My last seven articles have not been published. I started writing a poetry book on my reflections of school and it feels more triggering than cathartic.

I went blackberry picking today. I had (good) flashbacks from nine years ago about the summer I moved back in with my Dad and spent my time on a nature reserve. I had an idea in my head to save up money and buy a flat. I was convinced it would be as cosy and quaint as Brambly Hedge.

It was the first time my head had been quiet for days.

October cannot come fast enough for my liking.

My latest earworm

I was supposed to enrol on a counselling course today. I didn’t realise until the admissions department phoned me at half past eight this morning. I knew it was an enrolment day but as I hadn’t been given an offer (verbally, or otherwise) I assumed that I couldn’t enrol.

I also had a weird experience in my course interview last week; I was not interviewed. I was given an overview of the course in a group of ten other people. In that session I was given a form to fill in where I tasked with writing why I want to do the course, the skills I have and how I plan to manage the course alongside my job. I filled it in and handed it back. It was filed away so I figured it would be reviewed later.

I stayed home and played Minecraft and attempted to write. But I had a lot on my mind and I couldn’t concentrate. I did laundry instead. I feel a bit deflated. It’ll pass, I guess.

I updated my about page because I realised my University of Brighton staff contact details had expired. Oops.

Another day, another headache.

I won’t start this blog with a rundown of how exhausted I am. I mean, anyone who works in HE knows about clearing week. Especially if you are blessed enough to work in admissions and enrolments, and have to deal with the rapid increase in student numbers – you know, magic up a few rooms, communicate the last minute changes to everything and just have to wrestle with your conscience because clearing gives so many opportunities to folk who may not have been able to study otherwise but it happens at a time when many people feel stressed and vulnerable. But that’s enough politics here.

Gripes aside. I do love this time of year. It really does feel like a time full of possibility and I am so happy to work in this industry. Especially as HE really did change my life (more my outlook, than my career) so I feel amazing being part of the learning journey of others.

My day off was supposed to be catching up with my friend from college who was visiting the county. But I woke up feeling awful and decided to have a duvet day. My brain wouldn’t be quiet and my joints ached. Continuous noise has followed me since then.

I have an interview for a counselling course next week. Which I am hugely excited about and I’m pretty confident I’ll be offered a place. I can’t wait to get started on my reflective journal and start playing around with Moodle (which you’ll know I am a big fan of) again.

I attempted to write to clear my head but I haven’t managed it. I pitched a few articles to Unified and I wanted to write them today. Not that I need to. I just want to get ahead of my schedule. I also applied to join an erotic writers pool and we are writing a collaborative story. I say we. They haven’t decided if I’ll be writing with them yet.