As a child I collected these. I’m glad to see that one bear survived all this time. One of my relatives threw away (or lost) most of them because they said a little girl should collect something prettier. They thought these bears were tacky. The local tourist junk shop sold them.

I’ve just returned from a three day family visit. I found the bear while searching a basement. I was looking for a favourite toy from my youth. I didn’t find it and I’m sure I’ll never discover the make or name. I think it might have been an import. I don’t know why I went searching, I think I’ve just grown curious after two decades of not knowing.

I was also looking for my old Bobby & Kate stationery. Even in the 80s I had an eye for car boot sale bargains.

I didn’t find anything of interest in the basement. Just the bear, which I didn’t think was still around. I think it’s interesting that I didn’t find what I was looking for, but I found something I’d thought was long gone. Back in the late eighties I had a shelf full of these tiny bears on metal furniture. I used to fantasise about shrinking and hiding alongside them – invisible to the outside world.

After returning to Kent I went to visit a flat for sale. It was a good price, but a fixer-upper. Since then I’ve had a swollen sore throat. Kinda like the one I had after cleaning. Or maybe I just get holiday lurgy. Either way, I put all thoughts of getting a mortgage on the backburner.

I’ve been asked if I would like to talk about my freelance writing in the media. The money’s good and I’d like to see if it opens other doors for me. But my regular readers will know that my freelance writing is about s e x. So I’m not sure if it would close future job opportunities. I’ve been thinking about it for a month. I can’t decide.

Garland

I saw some garlands in a sale box at the Range.

I’m excited about decorating the flat I’m going to move into this autumn.

I’ve been slack with my blog. I feel bad about it. I love blogging and want to write frequently, but sometimes it’s just tough. I guess the things that are on my mind are things I don’t feel like sharing right now. And I’ve been keeping to myself for so long that I can’t quite remember what I last shared. But here are some things that are happening.

I am currently a coordinator in the Learning and Teaching Enhancement Unit at Canterbury. I am working in a small team on a student engagement project (the pre-arrival project – our website pages aren’t available yet). I’ve been in the department for four weeks and I feel very lucky to be surrounded by supportive and friendly people. I particularly enjoy working in the same office space as the wellbeing team.

I’ve been playing Pokémon Go for two weeks (maybe less; I’ve lost track of time). I am enjoying chasing Pokémon. I was obsessed with Pokémon Yellow back in 2000 and really got into researching the types. It’s fun and super-relaxing. I’ve made friends with other Pokémon trainers. I am disappointed that the GPS signal is so bad in Canterbury as there are loads of Pokéstops around me.

I started watching Girlboss. I like it. I remember the Myspace scene queen era and followed it with interest. It was a fascinating time, for me, because I found the peer influencers really engaging (not personally, just the idea of them). I guess it was when social media started making other people feel closer than they actually were. Nasty Gal really rode that wave. In such a social media-saturated world it feels weird to reminisce about a time when the idea of brand influencers were slightly new and a little bit more exciting than they are now. Sorry, not sorry. *Of course I appreciate brand influencers have been around in some way of another for ages.

I deferred on my Masters. I had applied, and been offered a place on, MA Creative Writing. But my interests are more focussed on reflective writing and pratice-based research. I was talking with a colleague about MRes and they suggested I speak to my department about the MRes in English Literature, which I hadn’t considered previously as my practice feels like it would sit better in an art department. However, a week later I had met another colleague who spoke to their programme director about my research aims and it may be possible that my research could be accommodated next academic year.

I went for six weeks without having any of my writing published. It felt more exhausting than sad, but I guess I was sad in my own way.

I’ve started using an exercise bicycle at work before I start my shift. During that time I repeat affirmations and attempt to think about ways to problem-solve issues that arise in my life. It has become a time for peace – though late last week was a little dispiriting as I started reading The Meek One as I was cycling.

I am starting to explore Canterbury City, and taking great joy from it. It does not hold the charm of the North Laine but I figure I just need to find my place.