Panicked thuds woke me
An early start
Without the holiday buzz
Confused muffles
Dressed
It is the first midnight I remember
Dragging my tired body to the car
Sleeping in my seatbelt
Uneasy
Something is wrong but my child brain does not understand
My sister is ill
We have travelled ten miles
Which is nothing
But in the eighties my family rarely left the estate
I think my sister is vomiting now
I can’t focus
My next view is the hospital
Lights bright
Fear, I think
A cat’s craddle of paperwork
Corridors
Then home
The day is quiet
Until hospital visiting time
We are led to the play area
The red foam slide 
Or yellow tunnel
Or blue ball pen
I don’t remember
I just see her smile
She is well

Craft with structure
Assessment
Portfolio
Grades
Something for me
Is now being used to measure
Progress
Meaning
Understanding
Critical ability
But
I make because the sensations
Ripping, sticking, cutting, unpicking
Feel good
Textures, sounds
Sights are an afterthought
I am overanalysing
I am second guessing my moves
To the point where
Everything seems overdone
Done
Done
Done

Just because we are cut from the same cloth
I do not
Want to be friends
Let’s just make amends
In the street
You are an ally
When we meet
You’re a rogue bullet
Screw that
I understand your anger
But I cannot be witness to it’s danger
When it blows up next to me
I am on edge
I persevered with medication
To get to the point
Where fear no longer haunts here
You knock the walls down
Letting in vagabonds
I am nobody’s home
At least of all mine
You’re welcome but don’t overstay

A vessal of delight

Warm, small and in my hands

Everything stops

As I blow the steam

I watch the ripples

These few minutes

I am at peace

Lips touch the bliss

Frothy soy

Citrus kiss

The silly pigeon
Carries my love to you
I hope you are read to
In bed

When you are tucked up
And kissed goodnight
Your beautiful face
Never leaves my mind

The duckling’s beady eye
Cookie-filled beak
Distracts me
From the distance between