Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Spirit Junkie deck and reflecting on it.

I send a prayer of love to all beings in need of a miracle.

I watched an episode of Shetland that stayed with me recently. I felt like crying. The character DS Alison McIntosh is talking facing the camera, I don’t know where she is but from the environment it looks like some sort of therapy office. I haven’t been able to find her quote, but it is along the lines of how she watches herself to make sure that the trauma she experienced isn’t changing her. And, at the end, she says It’s exhausting.

I thought about my tiredness, stress and anxiety. I sometimes feel like I spend too long dwelling and feeling stuck (in a memory/emotion…). I wish I could SUMO (shut up move on). I then think that maybe it’s time to SUMO from SUMO. I find myself talking, or thinking ocaasionally, “I feel like this, but I’m trying to remain positive or distract myself…” What if I substituted that for just, “I feel like this“? Why do I feel the need to explain that I’m trying to not feel a certain way? It’s almost like I’m trying to police myself before someone else polices me.

It’s like I have these negative feelings, and the shame of negative feelings. I’ve doubled my load and I don’t need to. OK there may be people who think “Get over it!” and that’s understandable. I am trying to get over it, but I wonder if the time I spend trying to get over it is taking time away from – I don’t know – processing/feeling or being aware.

This lockdown is hard.

Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Spirit Junkie deck and reflecting on it.

My genuine desire to serve clears the path for me to step into my purpose.

I was looking at diaries today, because I won a book voucher and I always had a thing about these superfancy planners like Clever Fox and Freedom Mastery but did not want to spend that much money. So I figured by now I might be able to swipe up a bargain (I didn’t)! In the inspired by your browsing column I saw some reduced price Judgement Detox journals (which I thought might be good because in my reflective journal I’d been noticing I hold a lot of weight on what people think of me)… wow, I just realised I’ve started journalling about journalling about journalling…

But I digress…

… still that’s something to reflect on…

After looking at journals I saw I’d be recommended the Spirit Junkie card deck. I never knew it had been released. So I figured I’d carry on pulling a card a day. Because the next ten days are full of events/activities that make me really anxious. Having something positive to do each evening feels like a good way to encourage some sleep. Also writing distracts me from panicking about meetings.

Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

I do whatever it takes to get closer to consciousness.

This evening I’ve been weaving, I had planned to cycle and have a shower afterwards but I was too tired. When I went to bed I noticed my neighbour had left my latest book order in the communal corridor. I tried reading but my eyes hurt… which helpfully reminded me to book an eye test! The earliest I could get was at the end of February.

I am so excited to finish my weaving and start my reading.

We are the Weirdos book and weaving loom

I have my first meeting of the academic year tomorrow. I’m a little nervous. I’ve just been feeling weird for a few weeks now; excitable and haphazard. I’m scared I’m going to overshare*.

* share. Talk about my feelings, experiences and ideas. I don’t want to talk about them but I’ve been finding I do despite my reluctance.

Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

I recognize that I have chosen fear, and I choose again. I choose love.

Wow, what can I say about the news? I know I won’t be saying anything new (no pun intended), and most of the people who stumble upon this post will not find anything interesting or surprising but I feel like I want to record my feelings for review later. I’d like to look back at this time and compare my feelings. It seems a bit grim now, saying I’d like to recall January 2021 – but I want to see what I/we got through.

Everything changes eventually, at least according to Headspace. Navigating Change Meditation by Headspace (found via headspace.com/articles/election-anxiety)

Everyday this week I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

I let go of the shadow of the past by seeing someone for the first time with the eyes of love.

This card feels appropriate for my first day back at work. I also forgot that I don’t have any seminars until next week, so I have a day off tomorrow too. I had a slow day, reading emails and reviewing my various notebooks that I’ve stored around my flat. I had a big clean last week – kinda like a spring clean but at the end of December. I filled four bags with bric-a-brac/clothes for charity shops when they opened. And I organised my stationery so everything is packed away, and I put a lot of unused collage/zine materials into the recycling bin. Because I had so much! Now I feel neater but not as creative. I feel tidy but not informed.

Now when I look at my notes I see new tasks to do, rather than see a reminder of who hasn’t replied to me. When I look at my art supplies I have to think of new ideas, rather than glue/sew together half-completed scraps I have lying around. It’s hard to start anew but I don’t miss the baggage one bit.