Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

I am the loving energy of the universe.

In retrospect, my Sunday affirmation posts have been a good idea. Looking back at my blog I have seen a year of anxiety (then I gave up trawling as it was a bit of a downer). And my way to cope with anxiety is to make plans for the future, which is difficult to do at the moment. In fact, a lot of things are difficult at the moment – and that’s hard to talk about because everyone’s having a tough time. In comparison I’m lucky, I’m not too vulnerable and I am secure so I don’t have a reason to complain.

My good news is that I am returning to Brighton next year to study! I might be returning in autumn depending on which optional module I take. This is my only long-term plan at the moment. I am excited, but I have to keep myself in check.

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

Oneness is my true nature.

I’ve been in self-isolation for most of this week. I went into work on Monday morning (my normal day off) for a meeting and then put up some flyers in the nearby university buildings to promote a research project. By noon I started feeling really unwell and got the bus home. Later on that day we found out my partner’s uncle died and as we are in self-isolation we feel like we can’t be particularly useful to the rest of the family at the moment.

I realised I left some documents on a computer I sometimes use in the local college which I needed to share but now I can’t retrieve them because my workplace is now asking staff only to work in their base college (my base is sadly not the nearest college) and because I feel so grim I cannot remember what I wrote. My meetings for the next two weeks have been cancelled. So when my brain starts working properly again I’ve got some catching up.

I started a new distance learning course and I passed my first unit. The course is in information, advice or guidance (yes, that’s the title). I speculatively applied and was invited to start immediately. It’s a level 2 accredited course – and it’s free! I was also supposed to be interviewing for a painting and decorating course this week but it got postponed.

I found out last weekend another one of my poems is going to be displayed in Harmonia at it’s opening ceremony. And my nephew sent me a potato to cheer me up:

Potato Pal

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

The more energy and intention I bring to my faith, the more fearless and free I am.

The private house sale I alluded to over the past half a year did not happen. Me and my partner decided never to talk about it again, because my temper will flare. I don’t want to be angry; nobody was at fault and nobody did anything wrong. But the lack of trust and communication stung. My partner said it perfectly when he said that our offer wasn’t taken seriously, and people made judgements on us without consulting us.

Letting go of these feelings has been difficult especially as I’ve been feeling run down for the past couple of weeks. I’ve had some more job, and writing, rejections. And the news is worrying me; I have vulnerable loved ones – the future seems so uncertain.

I am trying to take positives away from this, and it has been a learning experience. I learnt that the housing market is vicious; and if I was the sort of person who was distrustful I’d say it’s rife with tip-offs and backhanders. You have to be confident when dealing with solicitors and agents. And you have to know when to step away.

I’m stepping away for a loooooooong time now.

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

When I lean on the faith of the universe, peace becomes real.

Well, I managed approximately two months of positivity. I tried my best. I pushed through; meditating, listening to wellbeing podcasts and repeating affirmations. Did they make me feel better? Yes indirectly; my desire and determination to keep motivated, even though I felt like I was sinking, is what helped me the most.

But I feel the need to be honest. And honestly, I’m going to have to ask for help.

It’s no big deal, I’ll get there.

Every Sunday until September I’ll be pulling a (virtual) card from the Universe Has Your Back deck and reflecting on it.

The universe works fast when I’m having fun.

This week was a toughy. I spent this morning hovering over an application form to continue counselling training. I’ve put it off three times now! Maybe it’s my brain telling me that this isn’t the path for me. If I had taken this path a year ago I would be two years away from being a qualified counsellor and I would have been able to do this training in a college (which would’ve been a saving of £1.1k+). If I had pursued this training years ago, when I first became interested in counselling I could be self-employed by now. And debt-free.

I’m still tender from my appointment last week, and I haven’t heard back from the interview. I have another interview lined up this week.

I noticed my poem on display, though:

Read the winning poems from the @CCCU_equality Queer Perspectives writing competition – now on display in the bookshop #LGBTHM2020 @writing_at_CCCU @christchurchsu @CCCUStudents @ccculibrary pic.twitter.com/d44hYoJtU0

— University Bookshop (@cccubookshop) February 18, 2020

And we’re only half-way through the day. A lot can happen in a day.