The end of my Brighton era is upon us. Once again, I’ve got behind with my blogging. And I’ve been telling myself I’ll catch up when I feel better. I don’t know when that will be.

But I figured a year in review might be a good starting point.

This year I turned forty and managed to get through the one year anniversary of my father’s death. I completed my Postgraduate Diploma in Inclusive Arts Practice and was tempted to come back here to do my final module (so I can leave university with a Masters degree). But decided against it because it’s just prolonging my break-up with Brighton.

Stress has been a big part of this year. There is terminal illness in my extended family, which has left me in a perpetual state of anxiety for five months now. And I’m expecting I’ll feel like this until the date of death. Counselling and sick leave has done little to help me recover. The experience has been very reminiscent of my father’s end of life – and I’m getting frequent flashbacks. I’m exhausted. Emotionally raw all day every day.

This year hasn’t been all doom and gloom though. I have had some wonderful times with my loved ones, and I have some incredibly happy memories which have kept me grounded. And my return to work this year has been fruitful; I’ve improved and my colleagues would like to keep me in the department. After the knocking last year gave me, I’m pleased to see how I’ve grown.

I hit a crossroads in my career. I left the library last year as I felt I should be making more money in my forties. So I moved into the Graduate College and have been working there since. I am passionate about my work, and I loved being able to support students but I am finding a lack of opportunities for development. I originally thought a front-facing role would be allow me be more creative and experimental. But, in reality, it has been routine. I have expressed wanting to leave a couple of times, but decided to stay because I like my colleagues and don’t want to leave them short-staffed.

If I’m honest, my heart is still in the library and I find myself wanting to go back there. I miss my friends in the library, and I miss the environment. I have a couple of library job interviews next year.