My ex-colleague Susannah writes for my previous workplace’s Career blog. It’s one of my favourite work-related blogs. This week they wrote about Gentle January.

It helped me remember that last January I tried to start the year off positively, reflectively and kinder to myself. I felt good for a while. Funnily enough as I read my old words I see that I had job rejections from my old workplace in that month, and speculated that was a sign that I needn’t return. Yet, here I am, preparing for a job interview in the said workplace.

I frequently think about failure. It scares me, and saddens me. I know I shouldn’t think of it this way. In my head I know failure is a learning experience, as cliché as that sounds… failure tells me that a path isn’t for me. Failure highlights what’s wrong. My head secretly cheers, because I’ve eliminated a distraction – and I can put my focus into finding another goal/route/whatever.

But I feel the failure differently; shame, embarrassment… complex emotions associated with people in the past who have doubted my abilities…

If I could feel the way I think, I’d be happy. But I don’t. So I try to be kind to my emotions, I recognise them and l listen to them. I negotiate a truce. It’s demanding. It’s worthwhile.

So, until Thursday I’ll be pulling affirmation cards and reflecting on them daily.

It’s my birthday.

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