As I prepare for conference
I reach for my notes
My information pack
Opening my folder
The agenda falls into my lap
And a pear,
A pear, a pear
Takes me back
There
Where
We met
On a tray by reception
People dived for the pastries
But I told you, I love pears
Because I wanted to grow an orchard
And apples were too complicated
For the rest of the day you dropped pears into my hands
The difference between me and her
Is that she’s cleverer
And I’m… what am I?
You didn’t say it
I’m twenty years her senior
An academic underachiever
How can you compare me to her?
She’s brilliant, I’m mediocre (and happy to admit it)
Her success is down to her merit
Not a tick box exercise
I hear you clumsily backtrack
When my eyebrows involuntarily rise
Mumbles about affirmative action
Genuine talent
Not relying on handouts
I want to shout:
I did not have someone in my youth
Driving me to sports practice, music lessons, extra maths classes
My parents didn’t move to a fancy postcode so I’d get a good school
Nobody helped me with my homework, or told me what to do
So how come my accomplishment is attributed to others?
Yet hers is not?
Washed out
The cool surf
Sunfaded canvas
Navy and white
Lights switch on
As dusk arrives
Clinking slot machines
Swirling faces
Pass in a bumper car
Or on a carousel
Caramelised smell
Candy floss stuck to my nails
Sandals slap the deck
Flag poles creak in the growing breeze
Throwing a stole around my neck
I walk to my hotel
Check in, and cry
Because my home is now a holiday
My home is no longer mine
I wrote about NaPoWriMo
For my library
And I realised
I owe them a video
Of me talking
About Why I Write
And other Orwell essays
I calculated
One year
Since I last wrote about Why I Write
It was during the last NaPoWriMo
Now I wonder why I write about Why I Write
So I filmed the video
And sent it
Then began to write about it
For NaPoWriMo