In the early days of June 2002, I went to a festival called Dark Jubilee with my friend Paul and Aidan who I have since lost contact with. I can’t find much information about the festival (if indeed it was a festival; it was indoors) but time has got me curious. I’ve started listening to the music I listened to at that time because I’d been thinking about an ex-colleague who died.

It feels very self-indulgent to be immersing myself in my grief. I don’t know what I am trying to achieve, but I guess I’m thinking about how good it would be if I could’ve done things differently. What if I hadn’t let fear control me in those years? What if I followed my friends to Bristol? What if I applied to art school? What if I said, to my ex-colleague, do you need help?? What if I asked that same question to myself?

I know regretting the past is useless. And everyone tells me my experiences make me who I am. But it’s hard to be grateful to those experiences sometimes.