When in doubt, I play it out

I love a good blogging challenge, and I noticed some of the erotic blogosphere are taking part in Every Damn Day in June.

Everyday I will be plucking a card from my Miracles Now card deck and writing about what comes to mind…

How do you deal with doubt?

My counselling training should take approximately three more years, and that’s the length of my current work contract. And my last work contract ended this month – the same week as I started this job role.

I moved to Kent because a work opportunity came up; I was unsuccessful in my application but the company encouraged me to consider a teacher training programme. I didn’t pursue it, but I recommended the programme to someone who later became my partner. I decided to apply for a teacher work experience programme, I deferred for a year (I swear, “deferring for a year” should be my life catchphrase) and in that time worked for a local university. I returned to the programme, I withdrew. The next month I graduated and was published in an anthology.

I read a story on IMO Hub last year; Why I am proud to be a care-leaver. I could really identify with the comment, “I think taking the conventional route anywhere is a little bit boring! Why do what everybody else does?” Half a year later I’m speaking with colleagues from IMO Hub and asking them to come to an event my project team are organising.

Yes. I have doubts. I wonder often if I am where I should be. Last weekend I considered applying to a ceramic summer school, as I haven’t been creative in a long time and I wanted to use materials I haven’t used before. But the cost of the course meant I wouldn’t be able to afford my counselling course (I’m hoping I’ll get it funded elsewhere but that may not happen). I sometimes feel like life is pulling me away from art. Hours later I checked my emails and I had a job alert from a local art school looking for a part-time counsellor. Obviously, I’m unqualified. But the timing felt reassuring. Like the universe was telling me that there will be a place for me when I am ready for my next move.

This card reminds me opportunities always come around again.