For the first time in months
I have opened the windows
Cherry blossoms pepper the town
Breaking up the sizzling concrete
I am untroubled
I lay my head on the windowsill
And listen to the radio
Watching cars drive into the distance
City life feels far away
But it’s hot in the city, hot in the city tonight
Tonight
All doors are open
Housemates are smoking, laughing, cooing at kittens
My feet are tickled by the breeze
I remember previous summers
Neon lights in Shibuya
Tube station swelter
Empty hotel halls and stairwells
The balcony watching over a fairground back in the 1980s
Daisies closing their petals
All different but all here
Is this what home feels like?
A journey to this point

Under faded lights
I heard you
Security in numbers
Hidden in the median
Amicable
Persevering
A kindred spirit
A soundtrack to my night/life

Smokey room
Pricking my eyes
Meandering through bodies
Synthesized
I wanted to hear you again
To return to this place
Of being with everyone
Just us

Panicked thuds woke me
An early start
Without the holiday buzz
Confused muffles
Dressed
It is the first midnight I remember
Dragging my tired body to the car
Sleeping in my seatbelt
Uneasy
Something is wrong but my child brain does not understand
My sister is ill
We have travelled ten miles
Which is nothing
But in the eighties my family rarely left the estate
I think my sister is vomiting now
I can’t focus
My next view is the hospital
Lights bright
Fear, I think
A cat’s craddle of paperwork
Corridors
Then home
The day is quiet
Until hospital visiting time
We are led to the play area
The red foam slide 
Or yellow tunnel
Or blue ball pen
I don’t remember
I just see her smile
She is well

Craft with structure
Assessment
Portfolio
Grades
Something for me
Is now being used to measure
Progress
Meaning
Understanding
Critical ability
But
I make because the sensations
Ripping, sticking, cutting, unpicking
Feel good
Textures, sounds
Sights are an afterthought
I am overanalysing
I am second guessing my moves
To the point where
Everything seems overdone
Done
Done
Done

Just because we are cut from the same cloth
I do not
Want to be friends
Let’s just make amends
In the street
You are an ally
When we meet
You’re a rogue bullet
Screw that
I understand your anger
But I cannot be witness to it’s danger
When it blows up next to me
I am on edge
I persevered with medication
To get to the point
Where fear no longer haunts here
You knock the walls down
Letting in vagabonds
I am nobody’s home
At least of all mine
You’re welcome but don’t overstay