I watch too many high school movies
In the past I joked
That I liked to point out sociological inaccuracies
Tired tropes
Actors who are obviously too old for the role
Characters being unbelievably cool and confident
It was like an alternative universe
Where school is like how it should have been
Safe, inspiring and opening opportunities

I wonder why I only want to work in universities and colleges
Am I trying to remake my own high school movie?
Refusing to leave until I get the ending I want
Throwing pop corn and booing
Pointing out errors
Being an awful customer
As I remind those in charge this service should be better
Seething about a vanity build, large salary and garden leave
Wondering what this will all achieve

This high school movie is neverending
Mixing nostalgia with pure fiction
The plot being sold to a third party

For the first time in months
I have opened the windows
Cherry blossoms pepper the town
Breaking up the sizzling concrete
I am untroubled
I lay my head on the windowsill
And listen to the radio
Watching cars drive into the distance
City life feels far away
But it’s hot in the city, hot in the city tonight
Tonight
All doors are open
Housemates are smoking, laughing, cooing at kittens
My feet are tickled by the breeze
I remember previous summers
Neon lights in Shibuya
Tube station swelter
Empty hotel halls and stairwells
The balcony watching over a fairground back in the 1980s
Daisies closing their petals
All different but all here
Is this what home feels like?
A journey to this point

Under faded lights
I heard you
Security in numbers
Hidden in the median
Amicable
Persevering
A kindred spirit
A soundtrack to my night/life

Smokey room
Pricking my eyes
Meandering through bodies
Synthesized
I wanted to hear you again
To return to this place
Of being with everyone
Just us

Panicked thuds woke me
An early start
Without the holiday buzz
Confused muffles
Dressed
It is the first midnight I remember
Dragging my tired body to the car
Sleeping in my seatbelt
Uneasy
Something is wrong but my child brain does not understand
My sister is ill
We have travelled ten miles
Which is nothing
But in the eighties my family rarely left the estate
I think my sister is vomiting now
I can’t focus
My next view is the hospital
Lights bright
Fear, I think
A cat’s craddle of paperwork
Corridors
Then home
The day is quiet
Until hospital visiting time
We are led to the play area
The red foam slide 
Or yellow tunnel
Or blue ball pen
I don’t remember
I just see her smile
She is well

Craft with structure
Assessment
Portfolio
Grades
Something for me
Is now being used to measure
Progress
Meaning
Understanding
Critical ability
But
I make because the sensations
Ripping, sticking, cutting, unpicking
Feel good
Textures, sounds
Sights are an afterthought
I am overanalysing
I am second guessing my moves
To the point where
Everything seems overdone
Done
Done
Done