(Note in advance – This piece is a radio play, and is therefore structured as such)

MUSEUM DEL’EGAL

By

Roxanne Clark

 

SCENE 1

FX: Day, Museum Del’egal Foyer, the sound of echoed chatter from a crowd. Enter SHELBY and a click of her shoes

SHELBY: Huddle around and settle down folks, we’ll be starting shortly- sir, get closer to the group if you’re gonna go on the tour.

[The room quieting and a small shuffle of feet in one place]

… thank you, sir.

[SHELBY coughs before speaking]

Welcome folks to downtown Amaranthine’s hidden gem – Museum Del’egal! From all of us here, we thank you for simply coming to visit, and a big old thank you from me for keeping me in a job! My name’s Shelby and I’ll be your guide for this exciting tour!

Just through those doors are valuable pieces practically oozing with history that’ll tickles your curious minds like it does ours. Today’s tour’s a special one as we’re doing the big one – the entire museum and all its glory! From Victorian to Aztec to even the prehistoric age – how we even got that section out of through the door I have no idea – is finally complete thanks to our dear curator, Arsene Reuter, and his hard work in keeping history alive. Oh look-

[Gestures towards a window where Arsene Reuteur and a security personnel]

Mr. Reuteur bought this place just over 20 years ago now, building up such a fine collection of artifacts. This is the culmination of his life’s work is set right here in this very museum. His endeavours started when he was simply a young boy working in antique shops all their life. His rather dainty looking hands have moulded this place from the ground up, and I’m equally as glad to be your guide to show and tell you alllll about this!

[SHELBY takes a breath]

Before we leave, a few ground rules before you lovely people get to see the exhibition. Firstly, all phones must be set off or in aeroplane mode and in your pockets. We don’t allow pictures of the exhibits and ringtones can cause vibrations that may damage the pieces. Also, I’ll need your full attention to make sure you don’t get lost, ‘kay?

Secondly, any big bags and such are to be left in our cloakroom until you leave today. All of you with small bags, you’re fine, but the bigger ones and the puffy coats are a no-no. Our museum gets quite stuffy, so it’s best to leave all that stuff in there. You can go back at any time to pick stuff up, but no taking them around with you.

It’s a given, but don’t touch the exhibits. As it said on our website, on the signs leading up to hear, and in big, bold letters on the front of the building, this a museum, not a charity. You’ve booked to come and see the exhibits, not to take them. A lot of the artifacts are fragile, some of it is extremely expensive and all of it took a tremendous amount of effort from staff old and new to acquire. Plus, who’s paycheck do you think it’d come out of?! Yesiree, yours truly!

Finally, if you see any marks in the hallway, for example anything oily looking, or red in nature, please ignore it. Our cleaner is currently off sick, and their replacement is trying their best. It’s safe to stand on, and the actual mess has come from polishing the more important wares – the bronze statues…

[A pause as a hand is raised by CONCERNED WOMAN]

CONCERNED WOMAN: Did I just see that guard limp just now? And…dirt on his trousers?

SHELBY: I can assure you, that is definitely not the case. And that’s just part of the clothing pattern.

[SHELBY directs her attention to a door]

Now then, with that out of the way and without further ado, allow me to welcome you all once again to Museum Del’egal – The most honest museum in the city! Stay together and follow me, we have a lot to show off and all day to do so!

 

SCENE 2

FX: Day, Art gallery, Museum Del’egal, Hushed chattering of people, multiple footsteps leading to a gallery

SHELBY: Settle down folks, our first display is upon us.

[The room goes quiet]

While not as fancy as The Louvre, or other places of interest, our art exhibit is certainly one of a kind. On the wall right next to us, gaze at the last painting of her majesty, one of extreme rarity painted by none other than Marc Roger.

[A hand goes up by CURIOUS MAN]

CURIOUS MAN: I’m sorry, love, but who’s ‘Marc Rogers’? Never ‘eard of ‘im.

SHELBY: A very good question there! This elusive man is notorious for creating masterpieces you see most commonly today. Have you ever seen “The Great Wave of Kanagawa?” or perhaps that one with Napolean in his office? The one aptly titled ‘The Emperor Napoleon-’

[An EXCITED CHILD points at the painting]

EXCITED CHILD: THE MINECRAFT ONE!

SHELBY: To the extremely hyperactive child currently on top of their dad’s shoulders, you are completely correct, that is the exact same painting they featured in the hit game ‘Minecraft’, and I must say it was a nice sight to sneak in there.

It was Rogers who painted them while travelling the world, not Hokusai or David… I mean, whose last name is ‘David’ nowadays? Anyone?

[A few seconds of silence]

…That’s what I thought.

Anyway, the masterpiece of Her Majesty in her final days sitting on her throne is preserved on our wall for your historical benefit. More works from Marc Rogers, his lesser-known stuff, are also on display throughout this exhibition. I’ll quickly read off the display for you:

Born into a working house of 7, Rogers was the middle child. Typically left to his own devices, he took solace in his drawings, creating his first masterpiece when he was simply 10 years old. ‘Sunflowers’ soon appeared in homes across Amaranthine, which boosted his confidence and kept his passion for art alive.

Up until his death at age 37, he had been painting piece after piece, never stopping to interact with family or friends since he moved out at 21.

His most well-known pieces to date include, but are not limited to: Girl with a Pearl Earring; The Mona Lisa; Thirty-six views of Mount Fuji The Great Wave off Kanagawa; Isle of the Dead; Apples and Oranges; Terracotta Warrior statues.

…Such an inspiration to us all, especially with his extensive resume that we now see. Alas, we cannot simply stay in one spot all day. We have much more to see and even more stories to tell!

[A small scraping noise can be heard in the background. SHELBY speaks louder to hide it]

Now now, keep together, don’t fall apart, we still have plenty to see and do today! If you’ll kindly follow me and we’ll see what our other exhibits have to offer! Follow me, folks!

[SHELBY starts humming loudly and gestures to people to follow her]

 

SCENE 3

FX: Day, Archaeology Exhibit, Museum Del’egal, echoed murmurs from people alongside footsteps. SHELBY is humming quietly as she walks, leading the way.

SHELBY: Past the next corner we have the archaeology exhibition. While a little lacking compared to other places, ours has treasures no other establishment owns… don’t ask how we know this.

Take a small moment to gather yourselves at these fossilised creatures, objects and-

[SMALL CHILD puts their hand up]

oh, yes little one?

SMALL CHILD: What dat?

SHELBY: Ah yes, that rock you’re pointing at is called coprolite. In the most basic terms and without all that sciency stuff for you, it’s dino poop. Yup, you’re looking at millions upon millions of years old waste right there. Ain’t that a sight to see! Not the easiest thing to carry, though it might look like a paperweight to you. Once again, don’t touch the displays please, but feel free to ask any questions.

[Shuffling of feet towards one section]

…Ah, I see you’re all drawn to the Pachycephalosaurus display. Such a beautiful bone structure on that dino! All those dino nuggies couldn’t compare to the specimen that we have here today ladies and gentlemen. Typically sizes around 3 meters long and weighing about 450kg, these herbivores used to fight head-to-head – quite literally in fact! They were speculated to having headbutting contests quite frequently, hence the old curves in their noggins.

[A slight splash as SHELBY steps in a puddle of blood. She plays it off and ushers people around, the footprints making the crowds murmurs die down slightly]

I guess they were a little too alive when we brought them in. Just follow me behind the beauty of bones and look at this over here. Now on this wall, we have a rather old looking map… but not just any old looking map. Would anyone here like to take a guess?

[ANXIOUS GIRL shakily raises her hand]

…Yes, the socially awkward girl in the back!

ANXIOUS GIRL: Uhh… I think, thin- think it was-

SHELBY: you’ll have to speak up, miss-

ANXIOUS GIRL: I-is it the map…of the world…during the dinosaurs?

Shelby: While a little quiet, you are absolutely correct! This map is a replica of what the world is speculated to look like while the Jurassic era was still about. The faint lines are where our borders would be if they were back then… so much space to work with. There’s plenty of time to look at this stuff, so feel free to take it all in.

Our smaller fossil section is just right here-

[OBLIVIOUS MAN points to the object]

OBLIVIOUS MAN: Next to this thing?

SHELBY: Yes, it’s next to the coprolite… this group is the most copr-obsessed I’ve had… No matter, you all have such curious minds and even better manners. Once you’re all done taking in these prehistoric sights, line up and follow me to our next exhibit!

 

SCENE 4

FX: Day, Museum Del’egal, Gem Room, the murmurs of chatter get quieter once more, the steps echoed. Shelby is walking and talking.

SHELBY: Moving on now to a more hidden part of the museum – for your eyes only, ladies and gentlemen! The path’s gonna get a little colder here and you might hear me echo a little bit more than usual, so please keep that in mind with your chitter chatter. You might also notice the floors have just been cleaned, so please ignore the tinges of red still left… it’s just paint.

Just make sure to hold onto the handrail as and when is needed, with a teeny tiny one just below for those who are vertically challenged.

Welcome to our crystal and gem display! This treasure trove is kept near the back of our museum to keep out the more savoury of patrons. The variety of crystals, geodes, rocks and gemstones that we have on display are sourced and tested to make sure they’re legitimate in quality. For safety reasons of both you and the items, we’ve made this special display corridor for them.

[Hand goes up from TIDY GENTLEMAN]

Yes, sir, you in the back!

TIDY GENTLEMAN: Why does the display look like this?

SHELBY: An excellent question! This design is state-of-the-art, created by our own guards in order to ensure our prized possessions aren’t stolen ba- I mean stolen at all. As well spotted by the gentlemen in question, the tunnel is indeed made of the same patterns and materials used for aquarium fish tanks.

Feast your eyes as you move through the tunnel to see the different rocks, ores, minerals, gems and more that we have displayed. See on your brochure our sto- I mean, merchand- I mean, curated artifacts:

•         Opaline
•         Sapphires
•         Topaz
•         Zircon
•         Spinel
•         Rubies
•         Onyx
•         Clay Ornaments
•         Jade
•         Lapis Pasuli
•         SALT
•         Turquoise

[ECCENTRIC WOMAN raises her hand]

Oh, yes, miss, I see your hand up!

ECCENTRIC WOMAN: There’s a few typos on our sheets!

SHELBY :Oh…wait, pass me your sheet a minute.

[Pause for a moment to show reading]

…I do apologise! I didn’t realise we had a typo on the sheets. Is this on everyone’s copies?

[Murmurs of agreement]

…Well, I’ll make sure our receptionist gets a good talking to about this later. We’ll double check our flyers from now on at the very least, can’t believe we spelt ‘Lazuli’ wrong.

ECCENTRIC WOMAN: …And the capitalised ‘SALT?’

SHELBY: …Hmm? Oh, yes, the capitalised ‘SALT’ is actually supposed to be there. From the curator’s most recent expedition, he managed to acquire one of the world’s biggest Himalayan salt lamps. The hues of pink are unlike any other, and to this day it’s rumoured that the King of Saudi Arabia has given it a lick to bless it. Gather up troops and follow me, we’re gonna see the most precious of part of our collection- sir, the one with the doom and gloom around you, please join the others…. Thank you, sir.

[The crowd walks with Shelby towards a large salt lamp. She hums loudly as the noise of squeaky wheels echoes down the corridor. They soon enter a wide open space]

…Huddle around folks, no touching the barrier poles please. It’s a lot more spacious out here, isn’t it? The tunnel can be quite blinding if exposed to such a dazzling display for too long. Now that we’re out and into more ‘mood’ lighting, as it were. Before you stands a mineral of beautiful proportions, mined out of the Pothohar Plateau over 200 years ago by only the most skilled of labourers. It happens to be one of only two that have managed to leave the plateau since it was first mined, and the first to reach us here in Amaranthine!

[Pause for a moment to spot SMALL GIRL CHILD]

I see the little lady with the cute bow’s eyes twinkle, did you have a question, poppet?

SMALL GIRL CHILD: Why does the rock sparkle?

SHELBY:…A very smart question there, why indeed does the rock sparkle like that…
To answer this, let us dim the lights… and we get out this UV light…

See that? There’s micro crystals hidden deep into the salt layers, all of which refract light as our special torch shines on it. It’s one of the first, if not the first, instances of a functioning salt lamp to ever have existed before the 1980s. We were lucky that the curator managed to… delicately remove it from a bad situation. After our experts polished and inspected it, we made sure it was safe to use before displaying. Speak now of any questions or be prepared to hold your peace before the next one!

 

SCENE 5

FX: Day, Museum Del’egal, Aztec Masks Exhibit, Nobody is speaking and the sound of feet is all that’s heard. Shelby speaks up to the quiet audience.

SHELBY: Okay, come gather around once again- ma’am, please don’t lose your child. We’re almost finished with the tour, if we get to the full day without a single person missing, we’re breaking records! For now though, stand right here and huddle round. All here? …Good good!

To you, fine folk, I ask that you behold as you make your way in! On this wall, you’ll be amazed to see that these colourful masks are not your ordinary run-of-the-mill costume pieces… but genuine Aztec masks!

Yes, you could probably guess they were real considering they’re in a museum and up on what I might consider a splendid looking wall. Please don’t touch the walls, and allow me to give you some background details on all these.

Stretching between 1300 AD to 1521 AD, the masks were made as symbols of religion. Once the Aztecs properly took over, they made masks for more reasons, such as decorations! They were used as precious gifts and represented a lot about their culture to the point that there were festivals based around them.

Depending on the mask’s usage and where it was made, the patterns will look different. Different gods would have different patterns engraved, like good old Quetzalcoatl would have snakes-

[Spotting FIDGETY MAN put a hand up]

Yes, you in the back who looks very fidgety! You have a question?

FIDGETY MAN: W-w-what sort of m-materials did they u-u-use?

SHELBY: An excellent question if I do say so myself, which I do.

[Gestures to the wall]

Depending on the status of the recipient, and what was accessible, the masks could be made of quite a lot of materials. It’s mostly wood or clay, but there’s instances of precious metals or items decorating them. The most precious of materials to the Aztec was turquoise, and masks made fully from the stuff were considered the most precious-

[A sudden thud as a box falls from the ceiling, narrowly avoiding the patrons. A startled gasp and screams from the group as this happens. SHELBY goes to check the box]

Oh…It would seem our roof is in need of a repair- Don’t look up in case anything else falls on top of you. Rightio gang, it seems that we’re just about wrapped up, so let’s get our butts moving back to the entrance!

 

SCENE 6

FX: Day, Museum Del’egal,Foyer, Nobody is saying a word, not even the children. The footsteps echo when they reach back into the centre of the room. SHELBY hums.

SHELBY: Rightio folks, are we all here? All back safe and sound? Superb! Thank you all for joining our tour today. Has everyone had a good time?

[Silence as the group’s in shock]

I’ll take that silence as a riveting yes, Shelby, I had such fun today!

I’m glad you all could come in! Sorry about our little…mishaps mind you – you think this place would run like clockwork with the amount of organising we do.

[Silence again from the group]

Well, the cloak rooms are to your left, feel free to head to our café for some delicious dri-

[SHELBY’s cut off as the group rush to get their things and leave as quickly as possible. She’s standing there, blood on her shoes and patting her pockets once they’re gone.]

Huh, how strange… I could’ve sworn-

Oh. It would seem we have one more to recruit to our cause after all.

 

FIN