A sudden death of a loved one,  can leave you feeling lost without knowing how to express your emotions.

At 19 years old, you’re not really prepared for anything in life. Even your First Year of university is a practice year to see if you’re ready for the real deal. Unless you’ve been told beforehand to prepare for the worst, there isn’t a way to be mentally prepared for the death of someone you love dearly.

My father was suffering with pancreatic cancer for 5 months before his death. My family and I were told that his cancer proteins were reducing. We were sure he would be back on the mend in no time. A couple of days later, he passed away due to a cardiac arrest. I felt a lot of pain during this time, and the pain does still affect me now, as I never got the help I should have gotten at this point. I welcomed  distractions and soaked myself in unhealthy habits. I was constantly keeping myself busy all the time and didn’t allow myself to feel the emotions I needed to.

2 years, 1 month and 18 days… You never stop counting the days you’ve lived without the person who gave you confidence, to be a better you. An unexpected loss can leave you feeling speechless for days on end, wondering whether you could have done something to change the outcome of events, so that maybe they’d still be here.

Memories of the person you loved so much, will be etched in your head forever. All the conversations you had, all the jokes you had together, all the times you should’ve told them how much you loved them. You’re always wishing you’d taken more advantage of being in the moment with them, constantly reflecting on all your ‘last times’ together.

Reiki Therapist , Tessa Gilsenan, believes that the most important thing to do at this time is to share your feelings. “That above all else is a very human need in all people. They need to share their grief.”

There are many emotions that you experience during the grieving process. The most important thing to do, is to let yourself feel all these emotions as deeply as they need to be felt. Not allowing yourself to cry or express your emotions of anger, sadness, guilt, regret, etc. can have a negative effect on your healing process.

The healing process will take as long as it needs to take, there is no allotted time given to each person. If you find other people, who were affected by the loss, are doing better than you at this time, it doesn’t mean you have to pretend you’re at the same point as they are.

“If they have nobody around them, I quite often suggest that they share with a piece of paper… so that they write their truth.”

One mistake we find ourselves doing during this process is forcing ourselves to be happy. Not expressing our feelings or even blocking out emotions by replacing your feelings with fake happiness won’t last forever. Going out to get drunk might seem like a good idea at first. This is temporary happiness. Distracting yourself from these emotions could cause mental health issues that you don’t expect.

“It’s important that people deal with their anger, which at times of grief can be quite irrational.” Gilsenan is a qualified Reiki Master, she acknowledges all the negative feelings an individual feels whilst grieving. Confronting our emotions and sharing them with those who seek to help us, is a great comfort.

Surrounding yourself with people who love and care about you and your mental well-being is imperative at times like this. It is important to share the way you are feeling in a healthy way. If you haven’t enabled yourself to express your emotions correctly, you may find that your mental health has been getting worse slowly. It could take you a while to get there. Once you realise you need to help yourself mentally, just remember, you are not alone, loads of people have been through experiences similar to yours. There are many ways that you can receive help including talking to someone, cognitive behaviour therapy or you could take a spiritual approach.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IsxZ2qFQ0M&feature=youtu.be

Where can I get help?

If you have recently lost a loved one or are in need of help after grieving here are some contacts to help you.

Online Counselling Service

http://www.onlinecounsellingservice.co.uk/ 

Email: booksessions@onlinecounsellingservice.co.uk

Macmillan’s Support Line

Tel: 0808 808 00 00

Open Monday – Friday, 9am – 8pm

Cruse Bereavement Care

Tel:  0808 808 1677

Open Monday-Friday 9.30-5pm

Samaritans

Tel: 116 123

Open 24 hours

Bereavement Support Near You