Different preparations for wedding and process between China and the UK
As we all know, Chinese people are traditional, even when one propose marriage, they will not say I love you, so if they want to marry, they need a third person-go between to negotiate with their family. Compared with Chinese people, British people are open- minded and they say many ‘I love you’
In China, the bridegroom- to-be is preparing a flat as their new home and buy a ring, a necklace, while the bride-to-be is preparing new furniture and maybe a car.
In GB, young people don’t demand too much. If they love each other ,they will live together and a ring tells people they are lovers. Sometimes, people just want to ask a partner.
Chinese people will hold their wedding ceremony in a restaurant while British people will hold their wedding ceremony in a church or a big hall.
Normally speaking, most people in UK always live separately with their parents after marriage. Because most people in UK believe that when they get aged, they need to make their own lives. While in China, it’s a common phenomenon that people live with their parents together after marriage, especially there is a new-born baby. On one hand, the new couple need their parents to support them if both of them go to work. On the other hand, parents prefer to live with their children when they get older. The second question is about who take charge of the mutual funds after marriage. Generally speaking, people in UK prefer to have economic independence. After marriage, they have a mutual funds from each bank. It’s used for the common expenditure. However, it’s very common that women take charge of the mutual funds. The husband make money outside and women take more consideration for arranging the family well. There are many similar about the question whether parents give children some financial support after marriage. Parents in UK can but not always give children financial help .When they get aged, they make their own life, the parents try to help them only if they have some big troubles, but it’s not expected. While in China, parents also seldom give children financial support after marriage. They give children financial support only if their children need to pay beyond their ability such as a big house.
There are also a lot commons for the questions whether there is maternity leave for new parents. In UK, generally speaking, there is 6 months with full pay for new mother and about 15 days for new father, it depends on their company or contract. In China, new mother can get 158 days off with pay and new father can get 15 days off to look after the new baby. However, there are also some differences. In UK, there is a government allowance for the new born child. It’s usually 10 or 12 pounds per week for the first child and 8 pounds or less for the second child. Each family get the government allowance until the children become 18 years old. While in China, there is no government allowance for children. Besides, there are a lot of differences about the question whether people have any gender preference for the children. In most UK family, there is no gender preference for the children. If any, just because all of the children are girls or boys, they are expected to have another gender child. However, in ancient China, most family especially grandparents have a gender preference for boy. Because it’s a traditional idea that boys take more responsibility to cheer family. Therefore, the boy get more privilege. But now people in China change their ideas a lot, both girls and boys can be treated equally.
People in China and UK have similar opinions about the question who takes more responsibility for educating children. Both of them think it’s co-responsibility for parents to educate children. In China, the mother may take more responsibility for educating children. However, there are a lot of differences about the queation do parents get involved in parenting. In UK, grandparents hardly get involved in parenting, they just help look after the grandchildren but no voice. But a lot of grandparents in China like to involve in parenting and cause a lot of family conflicts.For the question who takes responsibility for looking after the old people. In UK, people look after their parents if they live close to each other.For the rich old people, they can choose to go to the nursey home and enjoy the good service.For the poor old people, the government will give them some support. But there is no law set children have to look after their parents. However, children in China have to look after their parents by law. Therefore, most of the old people choose to live with their children together.
Once upon a time, a prince met a princess. They fell in love with other, had a fancy wedding and had two children after marriage, a boy and a girl. They lived happily ever after. This is a story about how a traditional family forms, in which a man and a woman are the main characters. We don’t hear many stories about two men or two women very often because that is not the traditional way to form a family.
However, with the development of society and economy, things are changing. According to the Office for National Statistics (2017), more non-traditional families are emerging: 1)Cohabiting couple family has become the second largest family type in the UK, following the married or civil partner couple families. 2)More children are being raised in singe parent households. 3)The number of same-sex couple families in the UK has been increasing steadily since 1996.
To know more about non-traditional families, we interviewed some people from Britain and China and tried to get some idea about how things go with non-traditional families in these two countries.
Cohabiting couple family- Do you think marriage is important?
Marriage is important for some people, especially people with religion. However, some people, in fact, more and more people in UK get married just for some legal reasons, such as getting the pension automatically and legally after one of them dies. Some people don’t feel the need to be married, but they feel they have to get married to make some procedures easier or pay less tax. More and more people choose to live together without marriage and they form cohabiting couple families. Cohabiting couple family has become the second largest and the most fast growing family type in the UK.
In China, marriage after dating is the most expected way to form a family. No matter how two people meet each other, they get married or get separated. Actually, there’s a saying in China,”Love without marriage is hooliganism.” If two people cohabite for a long time, other people will talk about it as a strange thing and the parents from both sides would put pressure on the cohabiting couple to push them into marriage.
Single parent household-How do they support the family?
According to the Office for National Statistics, more children in UK are being raised in singe parent households. There are many reasons for the forming of single parent households: in modern society, it is easier to walk away from marriage than before; some people just want a child but not a partner; one of the parents is not a qualified parent, etc.
Life in a single parent household-even though common-can be quite stressful. Luckily, single parents in UK can get some help from the state, the community or the church. State has to support the single parents to some extent, for example, pay for the rent or give a certain amount of money to live on until the child is 5. The single parents also get help from community and church. If someone is referred by a social worker, a gp, a health visitor, he/she can get a bag of food once a week for free. It is waste from supermarket which would have been thrown away. Single parents can also get some cheap meals from the community or the church projects which prepare food for 1 or 2 pounds.
Life for Chinese single parents can vary. Normally, the grandparents get involved and offer help and support to the family. Other people feel sympathy for a widow with a child and try to help them, but they would possibly keep away from a single mother who has a child without marriage because the child can be the living proof of the “dishonored” woman. What should be mentioned is that people in big cities tend to have more tolerate attitude towards single parents.
Same-sex couple family- What’s the difference?
Marriage with the same sex has become legal in UK since 2014. The number of same-sex couple families in the UK has been increasing steadily since 1996. For lesbians, it’s easier to have children. One of them may get pregnant with some donated sperms. For gays, it could be more difficult, but they can still get a friend to have children for them, foster or adopt a child.
Most British people are quite open-minded in same-sex couple families-it is not traditional but modern life. They don’t think there is difference between marriage of different sexes and marriage of the same sex. For children in a same-sex family, it should be no difference from traditional families as long as the parents love each other. Actually, some people think the marriage of the same sex is probably more stable because they worked harder and overcame more obstacles to be together. After all, two loving parents of the same sex is much better than a mother and a father who hate each other.
However, it is quite different in China. Some people in modern cities such as Beijing and Shanghai claim that they can accept gays and lesbians but life for them can be very difficult because marriage of the same sex is not allowed in China and people are more conservative.
Generally speaking, British people are more open-minded and tolerate to non-traditional families. The reasons of the differences can be legal or cultural. In UK, it is legal to have children without marriage or get married with the same sex. Cohabiting families are entitled to almost the same rights with the married couple. However, single parents need to pay penalty to get citizenship for their children without marriage. It is very difficult for cohabiting couples to split the property properly because they are not legally married. It is also not legal to get married with the same sex in China.
Another reason for the differences between the two countries is cultural. Compared with British, Chinese are more conservative. Many of them prefer traditional lifestyle. The collective lifestyle makes people closer to each other but also more critical to each other. British used to be conservative too because their religion doesn’t allow some non-traditional families. However, people are now quite open-minded and have more freedom choices. That is probably because people’s belief also change a lot. Though there are a lot of churches in this country, people in UK are much more flexible now. What Bible says and what practising Christians believe is not always the same. There are even many gay priests in Catholic churches. (Maybe because Catholic priests are not allowed to get married.)
In this part, we hope to find the differences in terms of after marriage between China and UK and hope to find the answer by concerning the following questions. If you are interested as well and have any good ideas , put your comment here, please.
1. Do you live with your parents or live separately after marriage? Why?
2. Who take charge of the mutual funds after marriage?
3. Do your parents give you some financial support after marriage?
4. Is there maternity leave for new parents? How long? Is there any subsidy from the government?5. Do people have any gender preference for the children?
6. Who takes more responsibility for educating children, father or mother?
7. Do grandparents get involved in parenting?
8. After the child was born, does mother choose to work or stay at home?
9. Who takes responsibility for looking after the old people? Will they go to the nursery home or live with children?
10. Do the children have to look after their parents by law
It is assumed by many people that going into marriage after meeting the right one is the traditional way of forming a family. However, not everyone share the same opinion. According to the Office for National Statistics, more children are being raised in singe parent households.
single parent
Cohabiting couple family has become the second largest family type in the UK, following the married or civil partner couple families.
The number of same-sex couple families in the UK has been increasing steadily since 1996(Office for National Statistics, 2017).
This post will focus on the non-traditional families. The basic information is from the office for National Statistics and some interviews will be carried out based on the following questions:
1.Some people think loving each other and living together is great and enough. Do you think marriage is important?
Are there any differences between the two kinds of the families?
2.According to the Office for National Statistics, more children are being raised in single parent households. Would you talk about your opinion on why this is happening please?
How do single parent support the family?
Is there any support from the community or church?
3.Are there many children raised by the parents of the same sex?
How’s the family similar or different from traditional families?
In this part, we hope to find the differences in terms of dating between China and UK and hope to find the answer by concerning the following questions. If you are interested as well and have some good ideas , don’t hesitate to put you comment here.
At what age do people usually begin dating in UK?
What qualities do you value most when you consider choosing your dating partner?
Do you have prejudice towards homosexual relationship? Is it accepted widely in UK?
During dating, how do you usually spend your dating time? Do you often buy gifts for her/him to show your love? If so, what kind of gifts do you usually consider?
In China, boys are usually expected to pay the bill when they eat out. If you go out for dinner, is it the same case in UK ? do you split the bill or pay by turns?
Will you bring your girlfriend/boyfriend home to meet your parents during dating? What do you think is the proper time? In China, if you take your partner home to meet your parents, it probably means you two want to get married or at least you take it very seriously. Does it mean the same in UK?
If you feel he/she is not the right person for you after dating for some time, will you tell him/her directly or tentatively?
How do you get out of your bad mood after breaking up? Will you choose to dive into another relationship soon?
Do parents interfere too much when you choose your boyfriend / girlfriend?
I’ve got some questions related to the topic below. See if they are to your taste or is there anything that you are interested in but I don’t mention, please let me know. your suggestions are welcome, thank you.
Preparations for wedding and process
1. Will the bridegrooms get down on their knees for proposal before the wedding, and how do people usually propose?
2. How long will people prepare for their wedding?
3. How do people decide their wedding day, will they follow their parents’ idea? How did you decide your wedding day?
4. What do people prepare for their wedding? Besides the ring, is there anything else will the bride-to-be or the bridegroom-to-be buy for each other? Would you mind telling me what you bought for your partner? Was he or she satisfied?
5. Who will pay for the new house? The bride family or the bridegroom family or the new couple themselves? Will the parents prepare some wedding funds for their children?
6. Where do people usually hold their wedding? Who will be invited to attend your wedding?
7. Will people hold a special wedding ceremony? Will people exchange the wedding ring on the wedding day and who will buy the wedding ring?
8. Is there something special that the new couple have to do on the wedding day or in the following several days?
9. What proportion do people live together before marriage?
10. When do people get a marriage certificate? What proportion are people willing to get a marriage certificate?
Family is important to people. With different cultures, people in UK and China have different opinions on family. We are interested in this topic because how people deal with family members shows their values.
We would like to find out the differences between Chinese and British from 4 aspects: before marriage, wedding, after marriage, relationship with parents and children.
Couple helping two young children with laptop do homework in dining room
Here we are, JEML group!
We are English teachers from China. Right now we are studying in Uniriversity of Brighton. Both are countries with a long history. We are quite interested in the differences in family relationship between UK and China. If you are interested in this topic too, would you share your opinion with us please?
