The birth space is crucial. It has the power to inspire or intimidate, and is the space that holds you physically and figuratively as you journey through labour and birth and into parenthood. This project has explored the dynamic interaction between person and place, and how the birth space itself has the power to transform the birth experience.
Wow, it’s so comforting to find your website which is spot on with how I’ve been feeling. The birth space and care I received was very traumatic and although the birth might appear to have been a success (natural vaginal birth with no meds and healthy baby) I feel abused.
I’ve been thinking of studying as an OT specialising in maternity so that I can help change this for future mothers. If there is any way I can support your project please let me know.
Last night I wrote this poem:
The birth of my second baby
My experience is so precious to me
Birthing myself as a mother
Although I stepped so carefully
To the experience I had to surrender
Others around trying to keep us safe
But the support did not quite fall into place
So many things could have been better
And so many things we didn’t remember
I was so ready
and knew how to birth
But the environment around
left a trauma reverb
If only this was… if only that happened …
If only the midwife had known my intentions
We were well supported physically
But our emotional and spiritual needs treated carelessly
There were things from my first birth I took for granted
And looking back that birth was more what I wanted
Many things I wish I requested
But every ounce of me
directed to the powerful process of birthing my baby
In that vulnerable state
I couldn’t communicate or advocate
I had to concentrate
And when he arrived I held him alone
Why does this experience shake me to the bone
In that powerful moment I wanted to feel
That his father was there as part of the deal
When his dad arrived moments after
The wonder was felt, and there was even some laugher
It’s that time I want to imprint in my memory
Those first precious moments we held him together
Sharing the enjoyment of his noises, smells and his aura
Why does this event where I was so strong
Leave me with feelings of weakness and wrong
I wish I could try it again
Just have another go and maybe then
I can heal this pain
I’ll forget all this anger
Able to enjoy these first months with my baby fully
Without anxiety, without worry
I know my family is complete
Another birth will not be the path for me
Maybe in some way I can help some other mothers, my sisters
Support them to birth and hear their inner whispers
I’m tiered of the trauma pulling at me
The present, right now
it’s where I want my focus to be
In this moment I’m lying in bed awake
my precious sleeping baby beside me
Our lives together are open to possibly
And that birthing moment is just the start of our journey
We will be defined by our courageous love
Which oozes out each time we hug
And each time we connect I feel the love grow
And I know one day I won’t feel such woe
I’m finding a path to move through this pain
To a place where I can feel at peace again