What is a…

What is a ghost?

Dancing tissue statically charged on a child’s crown

What is a song?

Sierra October November Gone

What is a truffle?

My or your pleasure, sweet or earthy, planted soiled treasure

What is a fog?

A side effect of the stress, screened for hours, clouding the rest

What is a cheese?

Coagulated photographic memory, sourfaced

What is a salt?

My mood

What is a thunder?

My demeanour

What is a clove?

I ate this question, clenching my jaw as my throat tightened

The year in review

The end of my Brighton era is upon us. Once again, I’ve got behind with my blogging. And I’ve been telling myself I’ll catch up when I feel better. I don’t know when that will be.

But I figured a year in review might be a good starting point.

This year I turned forty and managed to get through the one year anniversary of my father’s death. I completed my Postgraduate Diploma in Inclusive Arts Practice and was tempted to come back here to do my final module (so I can leave university with a Masters degree). But decided against it because it’s just prolonging my break-up with Brighton.

Stress has been a big part of this year. There is terminal illness in my extended family, which has left me in a perpetual state of anxiety for five months now. And I’m expecting I’ll feel like this until the date of death. Counselling and sick leave has done little to help me recover. The experience has been very reminiscent of my father’s end of life – and I’m getting frequent flashbacks. I’m exhausted. Emotionally raw all day every day.

This year hasn’t been all doom and gloom though. I have had some wonderful times with my loved ones, and I have some incredibly happy memories which have kept me grounded. And my return to work this year has been fruitful; I’ve improved and my colleagues would like to keep me in the department. After the knocking last year gave me, I’m pleased to see how I’ve grown.

I hit a crossroads in my career. I left the library last year as I felt I should be making more money in my forties. So I moved into the Graduate College and have been working there since. I am passionate about my work, and I loved being able to support students but I am finding a lack of opportunities for development. I originally thought a front-facing role would be allow me be more creative and experimental. But, in reality, it has been routine. I have expressed wanting to leave a couple of times, but decided to stay because I like my colleagues and don’t want to leave them short-staffed.

If I’m honest, my heart is still in the library and I find myself wanting to go back there. I miss my friends in the library, and I miss the environment. I have a couple of library job interviews next year.

Ebooks

Part of my professional development has been reading more. I have been watching video essayists on YouTube (my fav. being Khadija Mbowe, Tara Mooknee, and Mina Le) for a while and reading has taken a back seat. I set up a book club in my workplace so I can get a few friends/colleagues together and we take part in events like Big Library Read, Read an Ebook Day, Together we Read

I set the book club up the same way I set up the folio navigation game a few years ago – I use the term game in a gamification manner. I had some feedback from a colleague about how it made her aware of the ereading platforms we subscribe to. As someone who used to work in a library, and who loves libraries, that was great to hear.

So my attempt to read more had led me back to elearning. My research always seems to edge back towards the digital… which has got me thinking, is my research more about content or delivery?

 

What’s up Doc?

I have been following the Doctoral College with interest for a while. I always think about getting involved in the Festival of Research but it passes every year without me feeling ready and since I moved away from Brighton I feel less of an incentive to go. I particularly like the photography competition every year. And would love to do another research poster.

One of the things I’ve seen often is a three minute thesis. They happen regularly in my workplaces, and previous workplaces but I’ve never had the nerve to step up – even just for three minutes. So I have given myself a summer task to practice for a three minute thesis, and post it to Stream in September.