Dear Lille

How long has it been? I feel awful that I haven’t visited you for years. I don’t know where the time has gone. I think about you often, I remember the decades I spent promising myself that I was going to learn French so I could speak to you easier – the two lessons I had in college, the ebook and audio CD. I know I didn’t try as hard as I should have.

But you always made the effort to understand me. The patience you had!

I painted a picture of you and put it on my wall. My partner keeps asking about you, I mean, we look at you in bed so the subject had to come up. I don’t think I did you justice, but I was proud of the swirly dark blue sky and when the light hits you your texture seems to come alive. You have some wonky lines but that was my shaky hands.

I was trying to remember the ladies we met, the tattooists who I idolised. I wanted to be them, do you remember? I think one was called Sinnah. I tried to look her up and I found some old photos, but her portfolio was long gone. I’d hoped we’d bump into her again, and maybe she’d tattoo my calf.

Regardless, I thought I’d write to say that the distance between us feels like it’s getting bigger. That saddens me, and I feel like I didn’t do enough to prevent that. I know I probably just sound like I’m trying to salve my conscience. But I want to fix things. I don’t know where to begin.

I kept hoping I’d return to you in my later years. I am studying to be a counsellor and selling my writing. I was aiming to start a counselling business from a cabin where we all create art and talk about ways to heal ourselves. I’d even named our dog in my mind.

But that was my problem, wasn’t it? I spent so long in my head that I didn’t fight for you.

I understand if you don’t forgive me. But you’re always in my heart.

Love Nina

first published in Readable

The werewolf encounter

My first love was the moon
I slept in a converted attic after I was adopted
Looking out over a cemetery
In the distance was a hospital but I thought it was a college

One evening a werewolf appeared in my room
Wanting to allude an air of confidence, I asked it to take me to the toilet
I knew Red Riding Hood tricked a wolf once so I could too
The werewolf growled “No” and I figured I’d outsmarted it because it didn’t eat me

But I survived that night so I knew I was here for the long run
I wasn’t supposed to open my curtains but I did
Watching the sky from the comfort of my bed
Smiling at the big orb watching me, winking in solidarity

I rarely felt alone after that
For a month I had an allergic reaction to a fruit juice with artificial colourings
I gurgled and spluttered after I drank it
My belly swelled and I thought I looked like the moon

I laughed and ran around the attic
The family doctor said I was going through a phase
“Like the moon” I thought!
But my parents stopped the fruit juice and nights became quiet again

I fall asleep and blowing a kiss
Thirteen-and-a-half-thousand nights have passed

first published in Readable