I’ve been seeing lots of sum up the decade posts.
… I didn’t think I wanted to sum up the decade. But clearly my mind was thinking about the changes. There are some I still won’t go into, and some I feel like I’ve said a million times before. I’ll say them again though.
Moving to Brighton changed my life; personally, academically, politically, emotionally, mentally. I became a person I liked. At the start of the decade I was listening to and reading Gala Darling and trying to manifest goodness into my life. Clearly I was doing it. However, it took me a long time to realise I was doing it. My progress was at a snail’s pace. And I often stopped to cry for long periods of time. Because I still felt like I wasn’t quite the person I am supposed to be. I was really unhappy.
I had a lot of good people in my life. I started the decade in a very dark place, and friends got me through it. Really. They opened up their hearts and homes to me. And I wish I could’ve done more to pay them back – although they would refuse it. The security and care they gave me created a base to work on myself.
I was an angry person. I probably still am in a way. And I might be angry for a while yet. I had decades of anger hidden away, and here are some of the reasons why. I was told by a medical professional this week that I am lucky. In this age of dialogue and knowledge, we are still ignoring voices:
So obviously, I was living in duel worlds. I couldn’t reconcile the child I was and the person I am. Plus, I had this idea about the person I wanted to be, or rather the person who had the lifestyle I coveted. There was a lot to unpack.
Well, unpack I did. And I still do. I see a counsellor infrequently and finally decided to be committed to a long period of medication. I found my feet working in the alumni team and studying an art masters (which I touched on in my yearly roundup). But, you know, stuff happens and I moved to Kent.
Moving to Kent brought a lot of challenges. I felt like I had lost the Brighton identity I so dearly loved
Even though Folkestone is pretty awesome, I felt incredibly homesick. I stopped leaving the flat, I gave up socialising, I started dressing in darker plain colours all the time and I wanted to blend into the background everywhere I went. I wasn’t sure if this was depression or I was becoming the real me (a minimalist with a simple life).
I don’t have the bright bunny hair or holographic eyelids but my life feels like an adventure.