Welcome to my PAD

PAD = panic attack den

PAD = panic attack den

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. My first sick day in my work experience placement. Day five. I feel shame and pain. I also know I mismanaged myself this week and I feel annoyed that I didn’t stop for self-care.

Today is a write-off. But I know that I’m not.

Hundred word challenge


Tilt the screen to and fro
Until you see the spectrum
Beside the glow

Borders cannot envelop what is free
So why do we build a fence
Between you and me?

Reach for the sky
Touch the above
Always aim high

Listen to the sound
Of wind through trees
Caressing the ground

The red-clothed being
Surveys the path ahead
Questioning and seeing

Habitat appears dry
But search deeper
And there’s life

Tousled hair
Prickly grass
Fuzzy air

Hostile earth
Dividing all
Since birth

Writing one hundred words
Prompts me to remember
An old favourite verse…

A Hundred Lovers by Josep

I love reading your blogs


I’m very happy to see dozens of new blogs on the University of Brighton network. I love reading about PGCE students’ experiences and I’m following the blogs with interest. Signed in University of Brighton students and staff can see the new blogs on their reader. The public can see the new blogs on blogs.brighton.ac.uk/blogs (recent at the top).

I’m also feeling pretty happy as I’ve been invited to a really awesome job interview next week. I didn’t think I’d get shortlisted because I did an embarrassing typo; I said I pride myself on my intention to detail. Oops. Here’s hoping I redeem myself.

Short trip

WIWT: Black Eyewear spectacles, everything else thrifted

WIWT: Black Eyewear Nina spectacles, everything else thrifted

I took an unexpected trip to Brighton today. I knew some people going to the National Shop Stewards Network and I got a lift down to visit K (it’s his birthday). I had a good time; I went to the new Cloud 9 and visited London Road charity shops.

I spent hours trying to think of a way to word an article I wanted to write, I eventually did it and submitted it to a lifestyle blog. Five hours later I started thinking it was rubbish. And now I think I missed the point.

I begin some work experience tomorrow.

I’m missing Brighton.



My sister took this photo of me last week. I like it:

I had a job interview this morning. I was advised I’d be doing a presentation, but after my interview I asked the panel where I needed to go next. But, it was finished. I felt disappointed – I had spent over eight hours preparing and researching. I would’ve answered my job interview questions more thoroughly if I had known I wouldn’t have had the chance to elaborate on my ideas later. I was unsuccessful.

I need to write a blog post for a lifestyle magazine next week. I pitched some suggestions and they liked them. Of course, I’m drawing a blank now. I hope my brain starts working again soon.

Hatters gonna hat 👒


For a few years I’ve been thinking about fedoras. I think. Well, more about types of hats, because I tried on a hat I liked and it was listed as a fedora. Now when I think of fedora I think of fedora shaming and the associated connotations.

I liked Sam’s hat in Dear White People, and I don’t know what type of hat it is but it looks a bit like the hat I tried on.

When I saw this hat (at 6 seconds, 11-12 seconds and 39-40 seconds), I searched to see if I could find the name of it. I figured it looked like a felt panama as I had searched for fedoras and they looked slightly different in the photos I found.

OK. I know it’s just a hat and many people think fashion is void of meaning. But I have to disagree. Clothing items change meaning over time and space.

A few months ago I researched patterns, colours and knots of head scarves because I didn’t want to culturally appropriate. But, I don’t know how to start thinking about fedoras. Do/should I think of internet culture the same way as reallife culture? In internet culture fedoras are associated with misogynists, but they are also used to shame nerds. The negative association of fedoras seems primarily linked to men. So, as a femme/-adjacent do I change the meaning if I wear one? Also, I don’t know the origin of the actual fedora (before it became an internet meme) so what about this lack of knowledge? Strike that, I’ll research it.