There are moments I’d rather forget. Yesterday I went to an open day for a counselling trainer provider locally. We did a sandtray therapy exercise, in which we used the sand and toys to portray a representation of the relationship in our lives. It was a long day, and after that I did a counselling role play where I was observed.
I didn’t do well in my observation. The feedback was that I may have missed key points in the speaker’s comments. I felt like I hadn’t – but then I was afraid to say that because it sounds defensive. But the feedback got me thinking about how often I skirt around issues… I frequently notice and want to acknowledge something(s). In the case of the role plays I have been doing in this open day and in my college – I sometimes question whether what I notice has meaning or not. I also have an acute awareness of my fear to be suggestive. What if the key phrase I heard is no more than my perception – by drawing attention to it am I have too much influence?
In my role plays I try to stay on safe ground. If I think I have recognised a key phrase or feeling I like to talk around it. It helps me clarify what I am thinking.
But it also hinders my progress.
The things that cause me the most distress are l’esprit de l’escalier moments. I relive them in my head – they are the most vocal of my intrusive thoughts. I hear the times when I have not confronted a situation that has caused me pain. I don’t regret my lack of action, as I am aware I need to process things a lot longer than most. But I find it hard to escape the pain of the moment.