The past few months have seen me mulling over the idea of leaving Brighton. Today I made the decision to hand in my notice and leap into the unknown.

I wish I could say this is a happy moment, but I just feel numb. Due to my casual contract I do not need to give notice, but I wanted to have a chance to finish any outstanding tasks and say goodbye to colleagues. My final day in University of Brighton is Friday and I will be moving on from Brighton next Wednesday.

Fear has taken over. But so has the feeling of defeat. A friend of a friend of a friend described her relationship with city life; “London is the bad boyfriend I just can’t quit” (approximately, I forgot the exact words but the sentiment stuck with me). Brighton feels that way. I love it, but it’s no good for me.

But, as I was saying… Fear is with me. Fear of falling into despair. Fear of not working in education again. Fear of leaving the community I have here because I don’t think I can do without them. Fear of hurting myself because I’ve stopped believing my life can get any better. Fear of throwing away all the hard work I did to get to Masters level.

Realistically, I should’ve waited until I had something else lined up. But everyday filled me with increasing dread. I had to make a move and this was the only move I had. As melodramatic as that sounds.