It was roughly nine years ago that I first visited Brighton, as a tourist. I stayed in Hotel Pelirocco in the Fancy Pants room (the Fancy Pants room became the Ophelia Fancy room, and now it’s the Dupenny Boudoir). It’s interesting that the room has since been redesigned twice by alumni. I don’t have any photos from the time, I went looking for some today. It seems that 2008 is a vacuum for me, which is weird because a major life event happened that year.

I know some friends and family have some photos of me from that year. I don’t. It was the year that I liked how I looked. It was the year that I took care of myself. It was the year that I began to make peace with the fact that I had, and will continue, to deal with stuff I really don’t want in my life. But that’s just the way it goes. It was the year that I could run for a minute without wanting to be sick afterwards. It was the year that I stretched my earlobes to 5mm (before blowout). It was the year that my sister lived nearby and we used to spend regular Sundays hanging out with eachother.

That year I made my five year plan. The plan was to get a degree (I started doing Environmental Studies at Open University), learn French and move to Canada. I was a fan of Cherry Rae who I met a couple of years earlier and had moved to Canada and it looked awesome. Cherry Rae had posted some photos online of a cupcake throwdown and I thought that Canada might be a good place to move to. I borrowed a book from the library that explained the point system (I think the book may have been out of date!) and recommended having a profession before trying to move. I was a clerk. I didn’t think I had any skills. And there was a decent amount of points attached to having a degree and knowing French so I thought I’d give them a go.

At the time I was living in a beautiful ground floor flat in Hamworthy. Life was a little bit repetitive but very comfortable. My pal Benny worked in the nearby Blockbuster. I walked 2.3 miles to my job in an investment bank everyday. On the way I listened to an mp3 player play full of Refused, Converge, Motion City Soundtrack, Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros, the Weakerthans, Parkway Drive, Agnostic Front, 1208, DEP, Distillers, Division of Laura Lee, Gallows, The (International) Noise Conspiracy, Pietasters and Vanna. I had just figured out how to download music and I was pleased as punch with my Creative Zen Stone. I nearly got run over once because I was absorbed with my air drumming along to the Shape of Punk to Come. I rushed through my day at the investment bank, it was made bearable by a great team and banter with my friends Phil and Jimmy. I walked 2.3 miles back home. Evenings were joyous, especially in summer.

Comparing then and now is tough. I remember feeling like I had fallen into a rut and feeling like I wasn’t doing a job I could be proud of. But I miss the comfort. I miss having a separate kitchen and bedroom. I miss having a sofa to myself. But that time has passed, for better or for worse.

I just have to remember that I’m making small steps in the right direction. And that it’s going to be a hard climb.