Last week I stumbled upon the above video. I had been thinking about doing a vlog for quite a while, but it’s just something I keep putting off. When I saw the video I was going to post about the thoughts it stirred in me. But, I don’t know, that never happened. I can kinda relate. I do talk openly in my blog, but there are still some things I’m in the middle of processing. I thought a vlog would be a great opportunity to get them all out (as my mind is moving three times the speed of my typing).

The short of it is that I feel it’s time to move on from where I am at (which I know I touch on here, but what I don’t mention is how all-consuming it feels). I got a phonecall today from a relative, and they had clearly been speaking to another relative I had confided my feelings to. I was not ready to speak to this person. But this person was prying. At one point they asked Is there anything you want to tell me? I didn’t.

I felt awful immediately. I felt the tears building up. I was not lying, I did not hide anything but I felt a fakeness in my answer.

I definitely feel that I’m at a fork in the road. I don’t want to lose anything I have now, I love my little Brighton bubble and the people here, but I feel like I want more. When is it time to make the change? Because whenever I feel it coming, I back away. I feel attached to every little thing – the streets, the people, the buildings, fleeting moments that most would ignore but as I feel my days here are numbered I cling to them.

I guess I’ll just keep on floating along until I feel it’s time.