Today is my two year anniversary as a member of staff in University of Brighton! My team celebrated yesterday with a mini-fun fair in the office. It was a great end to a tiring week. It was made even better by my finishing my March backlog on Thursday. Yes! I’m doing OK.
April has been the most up-and-down month so far this year. That’s saying something. I’d been feeling run down for quite a while. I picked up a cold/bug a few weeks ago and just when I thought I had shook it off, it came back last weekend. At the time I was visiting family back in Dorset. I spent that weekend sweating and coughing.
I travelled back to Brighton on Sunday and then I had to get up early on Monday morning to get to the British Museum for Objectively Speaking. Even though I felt like a steamed dumpling, I had the best time! I particularly enjoyed meeting the staff and seeing the activities in the Samsung Centre (I bet you knew I’d say that).
The day felt really surreal. Part of it was my ill head, but another part is that I still cannot believe I get to do fun things and spend time in museums. It feels too good to be true.
My depression and/or anxiety (I can’t seem to distinguish) has been giving me a kicking lately. I had planned to apply for my previous job in my office. The role has been regraded and now encompasses more challenging data-y tasks. In short, it would’ve been varied and rewarding. But my depression thought that I just don’t deserve the role. My anxiety thought that I’d be rubbish in the role.
As a result, I have been feeling a bit on edge. The job application procedure was making me tearful and jittery. I retracted my application and just focused on getting by day-to-day. My coping mechanism, in times like these, is to run away. If I feel afraid of failing, I quit – I just get a sense of jump before you fall. I know it’s not the best coping mechanism and I’ve sure some of you would argue that it’s not coping at all. But my mental is trying to protect itself in some weird way and I’m thankful for that.
Thoughts of going back to university have been going through my head. I think it’s just because deadlines are coming up and I’m getting emails about museum-related courses. I still need to research so I am pretty certain I won’t be applying any time soon. But it’s there in the back of my head, lurking behind the projects I keep throwing myself into.
Last week I discovered digital.unison.org.uk – I’m happy because I had been wanting a resource like this for months. My dream is to meet other members who like experimenting with digital technology and share skills. I already contacted other HE branches who have access to Mahara – so far none of them are using it, but I’m testing it and Kent said they’d be interested in my feedback.
Two events are coming up this month where I’ll be talking to a group of people about something I’m supposed to know stuff about. Both events are informal and my role is primarily to encourage interest, rather than teach. Nevertheless I’m incredibly nervous.