CONFUSION

I have been talking about the fact that I will potentially never have a full conclusion or definition of what my cultural identity is, however I feel like it really has taken me time to come to terms with that and use the confusion and uncertainty as a part of my work and project to define the way I’m feeling.

I just feel as though I really am a bit of a perfectionist and I’m really yearning to have a secure sense of my cultural identity, that I’ve been struggling to find acceptance within the fact that this isn’t something that can just happen over night.

But I feel as though I have finally gained a bit of acceptance of this and I am ready to experiment with this concept.

Something thats been stopping from using this confusion as a part of my project is the fact that when I picture how I feel in my head, I see an image of all the colours of paint being mixed together to make this muddy and mushy colour and image. This kind of dark and muddy vision really isn’t in keeping with the kind of colours and vibe I like to use in my work which is why it was throwing me off. However, I kind have come to accept the fact that maybe this means even more that I should create work like this, because it is how I feel. Also, I haven’t worked within these mixed up ‘unclean’ type of styles before which why I have been reluctant to start any visual work because I was unsure on how to translate my emotions into my ‘style’. However, now I know that I just need to try and just see what comes out, and if its dark and muddy, then thats a true representation of how I feel and thats what is right to make right now.