Looking at Sarah Sze has been a real inspiration. I love how her pieces are so deconstructed yet so thought through. She also uses different types of projections and projects them onto a range of different materials and things. It has made me think that I could project onto different objects and artefacts that somehow tie in with my work. This could be an interesting composition and I would need to research objects and ‘things’ that are good to project onto. I like the idea of projecting onto torn paper, as I think it works well as a representation of the fragility the mind that can lead to anxiety. Also, it would mean that there would be no frame to my work which I like as I do not like to work inside a box as I think it is trapping.
I like the idea that when you look at Sze work you are almost looking at her mind. I would like to display my mind and my the process behind my work within the exhibition space. It makes the work become more personal which I think leads to people relating to the work alot more.
Other artists such as Piplotti Rist and Ken Okiishi have inspired me to look at different ways of presenting and how you actually watch the projection, are you sat do you stand?
Okkisihi work has made me think whether I could draw onto the screen that I am showing on.
Judith Josso works with split screens all the time. Her films often have a completely different aesthetic however when they come together they work in perfect harmony. I wanted to look at whether my films would work together. I have always worried about the films coming together as they are very chaotic and a lot of the films are about the sound. I did not want the sound to get lost if they were all playing together. I tested this out and you can see the full test on my Vimeo account. I think it worked well and they did work together and surprisingly did not look too busy. This has inspired me to look at new ways I can project the films altogether.
I came across this saying and it intrigued me, although, my project is almost the exact opposite of mono aware it made me think about the transience of time and how I have actually made it permanent.
I have bought or gotten hold of film that was otherwise going to be discarded and turned it into something else and given it a new life. The Alone film is of kids in California in the 80’s. It is funny to think about how far that film has come and how different its life has been to what it was originally planned. It has suddenly hit me how I am playing with people’s memories and reinterpreting other people’s stories and making them my own.
I have now become more aware of how I am defacing other people’s possessions. I am intrigued to make my next film as I wonder whether this awareness will affect the film.
I loved the first 3D collage I made however I did not feel as though it was rigid or professional enough. I also think that one was succseful because the film beachball has a lot of obvious layering. I wanted to see whether it was a good idea in general or whether I had just got lucky first time.
I think the result is very strong. This collage is made better, is more durable and is a better representation of what I think it could look like as a final outcome.
It has to be said that I think the first one works better, and the colors are stronger. If this was something I decided to take forward I would definitely work with the beachball film as opposed to the others. I need to remember in future to ramp up the colours when printing and perhaps turn up the contrast. I think that is perhaps why the round and round collage is not as strong because the colours are not as vibrant.
The collages feel very delicate and frail which I particularly like as it is a reflection on the fragility of the subject matter, anxiety. Each layer on its own is insignificant however when you build them all up together they form something that is quite powerful. This could be looked at as a reflection of one’s own self. Every day mundane things that one can do seems insignificant however when all built up together they make you the strong person you are today.
Whenever I get a little stuck on ideas I always revert back to stripping down my subject and illustrating it in its simplest form. I also find that as my subject can be quite intense it is sometimes nice to have a light relief and a splash of comedy. I started drawing when I used to write satirically and found that it often leads me to a new path. In this incident, the color and the strange satirical humor led me to Bauhaus Ballet. It is interesting how the ballet works in threes: three dancers, three plot-free acts which play on color theory so central to the Bauhaus work. The first act is yellow, second pink and final black. The yellow set is very cheerful, the pinkish theme is more ceremonial and festive, and the final is much more mystical. The colors have inspired me to test out the different backgrounds when presenting my work and how that will affect what is shown on the screens.
I have always been fascinated by juxtapositions and love how strict ideas are controlled and reserved yet the ballet is so emotional and expressive. My films are very emotional, expressive and quite chaotic. It is often difficult to see what is going on. It would be interesting to see if I could display them in a very rigid controlled manor.
I wanted to try and regain the narrative of my films. I was heavily relying on films that other people had made to carry my film. After testing out different apps to try and get the feel of a 16mm footage I finally settled on one. A survey I had previously done had made clear that a lot of people’s anxieties naturally revolve around money, so I wanted to create a film revolve around that. I filmed the pier and the circus of money within it. I also created this scratch film on a clear film. I then laid the two over each other on premiere pro. No matter how I changed the setting and filters of the film it was always looked too digitally edited. I felt that I had lost the tactile nature of the film. This film really made me realize how important the process of making the film was. The process of finding people’s old footage and then working into those and the awkward nature of defacing the film itself. This film I had too much control and I think it, therefore, lost its charm. Everything became too obvious including the music.
This film was frustrating to make as I had to redo it twice. The clear film works in a different way to negative film and so the pens and materials I was used to working with did not work. I then figured out an alternative and drew the whole film however when I placed the film in the projector it then smudged the entire film so you could not see the messages the film was trying to portray. I had to rework with other materials until eventually finding out the correct medium.
Although this film, in my opinion, was unsuccessful it has made me realize and learn from my mistakes. I think I now need to move onto something else.
This film ended up being incredibly personal to me. When I first started scratching into it the film I was looking at to boys sat in a room together seemingly not talking to each other. I started to think about that feeling of sitting next to someone you vaguely know and wanting to start a conversation but your words fail you, this can make you feel very alone. You will see in the film the words ‘lonely or alone’ are repeated a lot. This was a theme I looked into a lot as I feel people often mix up the two. Sometimes people put themselves into a position of mental loneliness.
Alone and lonely are both adjectives, but they have different meanings. A person is alone when he is by himself. A person is lonely when he feels abandoned or sad due to isolation. Alonerefers to a state of solitude, rather than an emotion.
I have slowly started to accept that this is okay and you do not always have to be chatty and on ‘top form’. When I went back and revisited this film it reminded me of many of my male friends, one in particular whos Dad is sadly incredibly ill and has found it hard to talk to others and find the words to talk about the situation. I started to explore the difficulties men face when sharing emotions and came across some really inspirational conversations on the British Libary. Geoff and Vincents (two people who were not originally friends) conversation stuck out the most – they discuss the difficulties they had when working in the city when they felt very alone and depressed with no one to talk to. After months of struggling one unplanned conversation changed that and in fact saved their lives, this is the conversation that can be heard the most. Dave and Andy discuss growing up in Hull and struggling with being gay whereas Adrian and David discuss growing up being bullied. It is not often you hear two men openly discuss their feelings and it must be said that it takes a while for some of them to get into it. The main theme that ran along all of the conversations was that they had originally felt so lonely and had, therefore, become alone. it was until they talked to others that they were able to feel more positive and accepted again. Although you can not hear explicitly what they are saying I think you can get the feel of how they are struggling to talk about their emotions. 5 minutes into Geoff and Vincent’s conversation they both have not said the words anxiety and depression as they both still find it too hard. You will hear in the film that Vincent, in fact, congratulates Geoff when he finally says it ‘Oh well done”.
When I projected the film alone, for a reason I am unaware of – perhaps I loaded the film wrong? The sprocket’s in the actual film tore. This would not have been a problem however when I digitally recorded the film I did not use a proper tripod and there for the film was shaky. This is a lesson learnt that I should always check the film is loaded correctly and never try and rush things as they can then become sloppy. As a result of this, it actually led me to have to visually create something new. In the end, I am actually grateful for this mistake as it made me create a film that I would not have created had everything goes to plan. A dual-screen has been made which I think works very well in the layered process.
To carry on thinking into my VR idea, I have spoken to the Tech Hub and they have pointed me in a few directions. I have started looking into Unity Software teaching myself on LinkedIn Learning. I have always struggled to learn new software so this has been a bit of a challenge. It is a very slow long process but as I have always said the process in my work is part of the experience and the awkward nature of the project.
I went to a Cinema 4D lecture and started to gain a basic understanding of the software. This lecture was just an introduction however I still do not feel confident to use this software on my own and so there is a second lecture where we will be able to use the software ourselves. This could be a good opportunity for me to move my VR idea forward.
I have been thinking more about how to display my work. I have always been interested in contradictions and juxtaposition. As my work is very practical I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if I propelled it into a more digital realm. I think it would be a great concept if my films were in a VR headspace and appeared and disappeared at different times in different sizes and distances. This would hopefully be very disorientating as you would be constantly made to look in different directions and would not be given the time to concentrate on something for too long adding to the awkward nature of my films. As I researched the last term physically being in the VR world and having the VR headset on is a very uncomfortable experience as you are aware that people are watching. If for example, you are having a sword fight in the virtual world, to you it looks highly realistic whereas to everyone else it looks as though you are randomly waving your arms around an empty room – this can be emabrissing – trust me.
Every aspect of this idea ticks the boxes that I am trying to achieve.
Immersive, Awkward, Anxiety inducing, Taking over emotions, Taking people outside of their comfort zone, taking myself outside my comfort zone.
Below is a test of how I imagined on a very basic level the VR world would look. The movement on this video is controlled by a mouse however with the VR, this would be controlled via your head movements.