This project has been a massive learning curve for me. Obviously, it has been difficult for everyone but I think it has put a lot of pressure on peoples creativity and mental health. It has been difficult to find energy in keeping going with the project especially when not working in a studio. I am someone that likes to constaltny work in the studio and have my peers and tutorus around. I like talking through my work with people and so I have found it very difficult to be at home. Although I think my work would probably have excelled more had we of stayed at uni I am pleased with the outcome of my work and am proud of how I was able to prove to myself that I was still able to create despite the difficulties.
I decided to develop the screens further by having the image tiled across all the different screens. I wanted to try and tie all the screens together in a more obvious way. I think this idea would look good if it was displayed massively on the side of a building. However at this small scale when the films are already quite ambiguous I think it is difficult to understand what is going on and the scratch film gets lost. I always want my scratch films to be at the centre of what I do, there is a lot of content at detailing in those films that have been thought through and therefore should never be lost to try and create something more visually appealing.
This is why I decided to revert back to my original idea that I had at uni. A previous blog post has been written about what I think my best exhibition idea should be.
Going into lockdown was obviously a massive change and meant that I had to change and adapt my ideas. Spending a lot of time at home made me quite reminiscent of my childhood. I was starting to find lots of old objects and things that I had kept that had obviously meant something to me at one point in my life. As I was piecing these random objects together they were beginning to make a story of my childhood. I loved how these random pieces to me where so special but to someone else could almost look like pieces of rubbish.
This is where I became fascinated with objects telling a story. I found all my old family cameras and phones and became fascinated by how these gadgets had captured my whole life. They had captured me growing up and becoming my own person and most importantly had captured those awkward moments which had shaped me into the person I am today. The scratch films that I had made previously where all about awkwardness and anxieties. The inspiration from them came from my entire life, as I have always said this project has always been very personal.
I think it is interesting that I put these cameras and phones as screens to display my scratch films because they at one point where a lens into my life. Everything that had been captured on those films has then resulted in the scratch films that I make. It is almost like it has come round in a full circle, one led to the other. I love relating the old to the new whether it is in the meaning and the message or whether it is simply combining old nad new technology. I like how in these particular films I have used 16mm old footage, then used very modern technology to edit them but then retracted back to old ‘modern’ technology (old cameras and flip phones) to display them.
Everything that I was doing was building up to an exhibition space. I wanted to have a piece that was emotive and people felt like they could see themselves within it. I find it hard to evolve ideas without actually testing them out and seeing them visually. Usually, when I do not have a space to do this I print images out and make mini models. However, at home I do not have a printer or the resources to make a model. Had the circumstances not of happened I probably would of evolved my idea further.
However after further experimenting and evolving of the films I have decided that my original idea of having 6 different monitors playing with my different films, with a projection in the background was the best. I would play my 5 films (not including “Pier”) with one screen being static. You can find when I mocked it up on Vimeo –
Unfortunately, the camera I was recording on was not fast enough and there-for you get the lines through the monitors. In real life, these were obviously not there.
In the film, halfway through the ‘DVD blue screen’ appears. I would of put the films on a loop so that this did not happen in the real thing.
All of the film’s sounds can be heard however the most notable sound that would be heard is from the film ‘Alone’. Where you would hear men talking about there anxiety and mental health. It terms of sound it works nicely as an occasional siren can be heard as well as a baby screaming in the background. You also have snippets of the other sounds which include – shouting from the trenches of world war 1, heavy machinery being handled in Russia, a girl talking about what awkward means to her and snippets of a man talking about whether a lack of anxiety ‘sets you free’.
In the background the film ‘Alone’ is back-projected, however, a shadow walks through it. I would have liked to do this again however have more shadows in it, of people of different genders and backgrounds walking across the screen as if they were blocking the projector. This created a feeling as if the audience were part of the piece. In art galleries, it can be awkward when you block a projector that a crowd of people are trying to watch and I like how it created the illusion that this was happening.
I chose to have the film ‘Alone’ being projected in the background as I think that in my opinion, it is the best film. As it is a film made up of 9 different screens it is also the best to have shadows walking through it as you still get a sense of the film. The other reason I chose to project Alone large is that when I tested it out it often had a stain glass mirror feeling/effect (this can be found on Vimeo under the title ‘rose projection’.
I liked the idea that the film projected above could be seen as light coming through a window. A window into what is up to the viewer. In my opinion, it would be a metaphorical window into the fact that we all have these feelings, and I am spreading light on that. You no longer have to feel as though you are in the dark about having anxiety.
I also like the idea that a crowd of people could stand and look at the exhibition and all relate to different things within the film. Everyone might be relating to different things but there is an overarching theme and they are all sharing within that experience, all hopefully thinking about what anxiety means to them.
Over the past couple of days, I have been converting my sketchbooks into digital sketchbooks. This has involved me taking a picture of every single page and putting them into an InDesign document. I have never used InDesign so this was a process that has been incredibly time consuming and slightly cumbersome. I have had to quickly teach myself InDesign through a series of Youtube tutorials but have still struggled to get to grips with the software. One thing that I am struggling with is how to link photos. I need to figure out whether there is a way you can link multiple photos at the same time or whether I am going to have to individually link all 212 photos which are currently in that document.
I wanted to make the piece feel more fun so I started to change the backgrounds of the film.
Unfortunately, the file is too big to upload onto here, however, you can see it on Vimeo.
I have found all my parent’s old camera and have decided to try and work with them. As I have been looking at different ways to present my films I thought this might be a fun place to start.
I like the idea that if I put them all into a film you could see the technology changing over the years and so it would tie in nicely with my old 16mm footage combined with new ways of editing.
This was my first attempt.
Before I went home my plan was to create more films, however, this has obviously not been possible as I do not have a 16mm projector.
It has taken me a long time to get back into the creative process. I am sure I am not alone when I say that the change in environment and having to try and work around your family combined with the lack of equipment has been really difficult. It is obivously a pretty unsettling time which is very anxiety-inducing and therefor my pace has slowed down as I take things day by day.
I will, of course, carry on to the best of my ability however my motivation and confidenece has been knocked as I try to figure out the new normal.
All of my projection tests and final outcomes can be found on my Vimeo account here –
Here is the final outcome for my final show test –